Truth Telling

Truth Telling

So, my brother and his family spent the better part of a week with me. I love my brother and my sister-in-law (SIL) and my nieces and nephews… but it can be stressful to have them around. I’m not sure why, I can come up with two dozen or so theories, but my brother and SIL are not very good disciplinarians. They have a four year old little girl and five month old twins. The twins aren’t really a problem. They are actually the happiest babies I’ve ever seen… and after Elizabeth’s babyhood – that’s saying something. But Rachel… my niece. She can be a holy terror and her parents let her get away with it. Every bit of it.

Now let me pause here for a few disclaimers. I really hate to criticize the way other parents are raising their children. I avoid it at all costs. I’ve had my parenting criticized, actually my mom will take every possible opportunity to show me all the ways I’m a bad parent, and boy does it sting. And, aside from that, in my six years of parenting experience I’ve learned that it’s a lot easier to be a Monday morning quarterback in the parenting department. So, I realize there are a lot of different parenting styles… just as there are a lot of different parents and children, and as long as a parent seems to be acting in love and in a non-abusive way, I don’t judge. If asked, I’m always willing to share what’s worked for me, things that have worked for friends even if they didn’t work for me, and even things I’ve read about. But I don’t judge.

But when it comes to living with a holy terror or when it comes to having a child behave in ways that are dangerous for the child (e.g., we were in downtown DC and my niece decided it would be fun to run away from any known adult and ran into busy city streets at rush hour), well in those cases, I just can’t help myself. I have to step up to the plate and be the disciplinarian no matter how much it kills me. Frankly, a world view in which I am playing the role as the biggest, most scary disciplinarian is truly a frightening world to me. That’s just not who I am.

However this past week, I found myself living in the frightening world of the lone disciplinarian. I discovered that I have a “mommy voice.” I used my mommy voice a lot this week. The first time I heard myself using the mommy voice, a frightened Elizabeth turned to her cousin and said in whispered tones, “You better listen to her now. She means business.” Really all Rachel needed was a time out or two. She needed someone to tell her if she didn’t listen to them, then she would get a time out; and then actually enforce the time out. Once she knew I meant business, she listened to me. Her parents were amazed at how well she listened to me. They didn’t think she was capable of that kind of behavior.

But here’s why I’ve taken the time to share all this with you… Elizabeth, Rachel, and I were walking in Tyson’s Corner. I said that any child who listened to me for a certain amount time would get a treat at the food court. Elizabeth piped up and said, “Mommy, I’ve been listening really good all day.” I agreed with Elizabeth and that prompted the following conversation:

Rachel: Me listen, too.
Me (with a smile): Sometimes.
Rachel: Me listen to my mommy and daddy.
Me: Really? I didn’t see you listening to your mommy and daddy today.
Rachel: Me listen at home.
Me (trying to look very serious): Are you sure?
Rachel (She looked me in the eyes for a second, then she got a very devilish grin on her face): Me listen in school good.

She’d been caught and she knew it. It’s amazing to me just much analytical ability young children really have.