Is it worth it?

Is it worth it?

A few weeks ago, I posted a non-descript vent regarding child care. The origin of that vent was my au pair’s announcement that she’s going to take a three week vacation. The au pair program allows her two weeks of paid vacation. The au pair is supposed to work with the host family to pick his / her vacation time(s) when it will be convenient for the host family. Even though Andrea is only entitled to two weeks of vacation time she was insistent that she be given three consecutive weeks. We argued about this quiet a bit. I explained to her how problematic this would be for me. I have to pay her two weeks, plus I have to find and pay for additional child care while she’s gone. Frankly, the “finding” is / was the worst part.

The problem was that my previous (now pregnant and married) au pair had taken a three week vacation in the time between when she left her previous family and when she came to live with me. So, Gaby was able to go home for three weeks without creating problems for either host family. During the time that Andrea and Gaby lived at my house together, Gaby had mentioned her vacation and how nice it was to have three weeks. Andrea got it in her head that if Gaby could do… so should she and I was a big, meany, stinky pants for having a problem with her plans. So ultimately, I gave in and stopped putting up an argument. However, I did tell her she won’t get paid for the third week. (So there!)

Well, now I’m wondering if I even want to stay with this au pair business. I’m not sure this is the best way to go. Andrea has been getting under my skin lately. She throws away my mail. She threw away the battery recharger, the USB cord, a battery, and few other trinkets for my Leica digital camera because I had them in a plastic Giant shopping bag on my dresser in my bed room. She thought she was doing me a favor by taking out the trash I left sitting on MY OWN dresser. (And that recharger is becoming a real pill to replace.) When I bring home left-overs from a restaurant she will eat them and put the nearly empty containers back in the refrigerator. In the morning I grab the left-overs for my lunch only to find out at lunch time I have none. The ceiling lights and fans in the bedrooms, kitchen, and office have switches on the wall so you can easily turn them on and off. For some unknown reason she will climb up and turn them off using the little pull switch. So, I come home in the dark and can’t turn on the lights. Over the weekend she crashed my car and while the accident was most likely NOT her fault, she told everyone including the driver of the other car that it was her fault. Now I’m probably going to get charged with an at-fault accident on my insurance! Oh and there are a whole host of other things like this that really get under my skin.

But lately, it’s been escalating. I can deal with the petty stuff like the lunches. But lately she hasn’t been able to handle Elizabeth. Three days last week I got emergency calls from her because she couldn’t get Elizabeth dressed for school and she didn’t know what to do. But this morning was a real winner!

This morning I was able to go into work a little later than usual. Elizabeth was having trouble waking up. She was slow moving. She wasn’t getting dressed fast enough to please Andrea. Andrea was down in the kitchen reading a magazine and yelling up to Elizabeth telling her to hurry up. Since I was hanging around, I was encouraging Elizabeth to get dressed and trying to help her. I had a slight miss cue on the weather and told Elizabeth it was warm. Elizabeth decided to wear a short skort and short sleeves. When she was finally dressed they started off for the bus. But she got too cold and wanted to change her clothes. Andrea didn’t want her to. So this resulted in the first fight. I told Andrea to let her change. So, after the change they started off for the bus again.

Andrea realized how late they were and she started to run. She ran around a corner and out of Elizabeth’s line of sight. Now, Elizabeth does know where the bus is. She does have persistent memory, so she knows when Andrea goes around the corner she is still there. But she was tired. She was cold. She was already upset from the first fight they had this morning. So, Elizabeth panicked. She stopped dead in her tracks and started to wail. She was feeling abandoned by Andrea and she was feeling scared. Andrea didn’t know what to do, so she got mad. She went back to Elizabeth and started yelling at her. They missed the bus.

A few minutes later Andrea and Elizabeth show up at the house. I was upstairs, but I could tell right away from the sound of Elizabeth’s cries that this was real fear. I asked what happened and got a real earful from Andrea. Not only did she rely the events of the morning, but then she went on to criticize my parenting (oh there’s that evil thing again.) She said I don’t set good enough limits and that I don’t make Elizabeth behave. She said that I wasn’t a good mom! CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT???!!! Oh and the really funny part is that she said my brother and sister-in-law were much better parents and that they had complained about me, too. But that’s not all! Then Andrea starting demanding that I drive Elizabeth to school because she (Andrea) had an appointment. She also said the car wasn’t running very well since the accident and she didn’t want to be driving Elizabeth in the car.

Well, I set her straight right then and there! I told her that she was taking Elizabeth to school because that was HER job. But if the car wasn’t working she shouldn’t drive it at all and I would take the keys back. She said she would take Elizabeth, but there were a few more heated words before she left. I finally had it and I said, “Andrea, if you really believe all this stuff is true; then maybe we aren’t the right family for you.” The she started crying. Geezz! Do I really need this? I wanted an au pair because I thought it was going to make my life easier. But it’s not. The stress level is unbelievable sometimes.

This weekend Andrea leaves for her three week vacation. I will have three weeks of no au pair. I got Elizabeth a spot in SACC (that’s the after school daycare program.) We’ll see how it goes… My biggest concern in juggling my work schedule. It’s going to be hard to make it fit within the hours of SACC. But this will be a good test. I called my contact at the au pair agency today. I told her all the “fun” we were having. I said if these three weeks go well… I might just pull out of the program all together. I told her it’s been one sucky thing after another and considering how much it costs… well, let’s just say I don’t feel like I’m getting my money’s worth out of it.

So wish me luck next week. I’m a little nervous about this; especially with the sleep / wakefulness issues I’ve been having lately. Oh and I owe you an update on that, too. Those lovely little pills aren’t working so well afterall. I think it was a placebo affect that first day. So say a prayer for us… the next three weeks are going to be a challenge.