I found my next job!

Title: Office Jester

Description

The Motley Fool seeks an outgoing, multi-talented Fool to be our full-time Office Jester. That's right; we work hard and have fun too. We couldn’t be the Motley Fool without our own Jester, after all. The ideal individual will embrace our core value of Joyful Optimism, bringing humor, entertainment, and amusement to all employees and visitors of Fool Global HQ. This is not a new position but it offers great flexibility in execution.

Primary Responsibilities/Objectives:
* Roam office entertaining employees
* Plan and execute parties and happy hours
* Participate in all company meetings and gatherings as an interstitial speaker
* Identify struggling or overworked Fools or Teams and brighten their day * Function as office DJ, managing/programming the office sound system. Manage musical requests efficiently, while keeping the office bumping.
* Order pizza for Pizza Day
* Repair damaged jester caps
* Construct complex balloon animals
* Care and feeding of the office monkey, Dr. Zaius
* Ride in Foolmobile as body double decoy for Gardner brothers
* Piggyback carry the winner of The Motley Fool Stock Picking Contest in St. Patrick’s Day Parade

RequirementsCore Competencies:
* Current on all reality TV
* Pop Culture expert, able to postulate about Season 3 of Lost
* Always at the ready with a quip or comeback.
* Equally comfortable in a jester cap and bear suit
* MS Excel
* Proven game room skills as a formidable adversary in Halo, Ms. Pacman and Bubble Hockey; ability to convincingly let management win on occasion.
* Juggle chainsaws, bowling balls, and one item of your choosing
* Have >50 answers to knock-knock jokes, at least half of which must be funny
* Must have authored at least one viral video of moderate fame.
* Can tap a keg on the first try
* Extra napkins and utensils at the ready for Fools eating at their desks
* Can chug beer, shotgun beer, guzzle beer, snort beer, play beer pong, flip cup, 3 man, do beer bongs, beer cheers, keg stands, and bluegills with the best of them Preferred Qualities:
* Friends would tell you that you are “seriously funny!” but they are laughing so hard they can’t breathe
* Tall or short but we prefer that you not be of average height, as it’s not as funny
* Crazy hair
* Annoying and easily recognizable laugh
* Friends with at least one B list celebrity. (No reality contestants)
* Experience in three of the following: Stand up, Street mime, rally racing, horticulture, pottery, rapping, paragliding, cattle ranching, roller skiing, ballet, actual break dancing/popping, ice fishing, chess
* Blood type AB (or equivalent)
* Ability to type 90 words a minute, replacing all vowels with various forms of smileys

Education:
* Clown college, Improv school, School of the Americas, Brown, or equivalent experience

Crashing...

I do not feel safe in the world. There are some very sad things happening at my church. There are a lot of hurt feelings and sadness among the people there right now. So that is very unsettling. But there are also some very bad things happening in another part of my life. Unfortunately, because of the public nature of the Internet I can not be very specific but if you ask me privately, I will be glad to give you all of the gory details.

It's really hard to explain something without talking about - but I've never backed away from a challenge before. So let's give it a whirl. Two things happened this week. In some ways, they are very different events. In other ways, they are very similar. Both have very real and very difficult consequences for people I know. Some of the those people I actually admire and have respect for. It is very unsettling to see bad things happen to good people.

The first event could take about a year to play out. It's an odd mix of a challenging and exciting project with a terrible goal. Many years ago, I was traveling on business. The weather was horrible - dark, mean skies, thunder, lightening, wind, driving rain. My plane had already been delayed several times. Finally they decided to try and take off. Needless to say it was a very bumpy getting into the air and being at cursing altitude did not help. I kept myself calm by pretending I was on a roller coaster ride at an amusement park. I tried to enjoy being tossed around in the sky. It was really a bastardization of a technique from cognitive therapy, but it was working. I kept telling myself this was just an amusement ride. But then I went a little too far... I started thinking about the engineers and maintenance people who kept the ride in good working order. I thought about all the safety features that are designed into rides to keep the riders safe. All of a sudden my mind snapped to reality with the thought... "Hey this isn't a ride and there is no big, bouncy safety below." Immediately I was over come with fear and panic. I almost fainted I could feel the blood draining from my head that quickly.

That's what the first event from this week is like. If I can focus on the project part of it - it could be great fun. There is a lot of strategy - like a chess game. There is a lot I can learn .professionally. This is the stuff of upper level management. I'm not sure how I got a seat at the table, but I'm there and when I just focus on the work at hand it can be an exciting, heady experience. The problem is when I think about what we're doing. It's kinda like being the architect who designed Auschwitz

The second event is a lot less grand, much more immediate, and even more disturbing. My faith in goodness has been completely shattered. For months (heck it's going on years now)I have talked about suspicions I've had. In many cases I've presented these suspicions as firm beliefs because on the one hand the facts seemed to support that. Heck, there was even a Wall Street Journal article that discussed this issue. But, deep down inside I didn't quite believe it. After all, maybe I was misreading the events I was personally involved with. Maybe my performance really was lacking. Maybe I was fooling myself. And you know how the press is... you can't believe half of what you read. So maybe it was convenient timing that the newspaper article appeared at the same time I had these suspicions.

But this week, there was an event that proved to me without a doubt that my darkest and worst fears were true. All the things that I had dismissed as paranoia and ego self-protection were true and not just a convenient stringing together of coincidence.

My faith in humanity has been completely shattered.

what Star Trek character are you most like?

Doctor McCoy


you are a bit irrational, but you could also say your the most human of the threesome of you, Mr. Spock, and Captain Kirk. You are the best doctor, and always add some humor to difficult situations.

Quiz by TheQuizzery.com

Which Classic Heroine are You?

Jo March

Josephine March, from Little Women, is a tomboy who loves writing, acting, and her family. She dreams of seeing the world and publishing her book.

Which Classic Heroine are You?

C'mon get happy - I've found my true calling

Hello, world, here's the song that I'm singin' - As I mentioned a few days(?) ago, Elizabeth is in love... She is totally obsessed with Nat Wolf from the Naked Brothers Band. Tonight, as we were watching TV, the newer Sprite commercial came on. In case you haven't heard it - David Cassidy as a Partridge is singing the background vocals. Casually I mentioned that the singer was "my Nat." Elizabeth found this amusing and asked to see a picture of David.

In case you're wondering, Elizabeth said, "He's kinda cute, but there's only ONE Nat and he's not nearly as hot as Nat." That statement gave me a bit of a startle, but that's another blog post. As I said, I've found my true calling.

I bet you're wondering what Mr. Cassidy has to do with my calling... Well, tonight, in a moment of pure enlightenment I realized I was being called to the priesthood. Yes, in a matter of a few days and for the measly cost of $100 I can become a priest in The Partridge Family Temple. I'm NOT kidding. I can do this!

The Partridge Family Temple is a religion that is sweeping the universe. Believers accept the characters of the television show the Partridge Family as archetypes who must be incorporated into their personalities. The Temple also worships television as the most powerful force in the universe. How true is that? I mean my life has always been built on the belief that TV and more specifically Keith Partridge is the center of the universe.

You know, some people think this is a joke. They don't take this religion seriously. But I can tell this is truth of all truths. This is the meaning of life. I know, this might seem like a new and radical concept to many people. This truth might challenge you and it might even fall outside your realm of understanding, but believe me -- it makes total sense.

You might be asking yourself why the Partridge Family. What about the Brady Bunch or The Jefferson's. But the answer is simple - while all shows are holy and sacred, the Partridge Family is the most pure example of the mix between Television, Reality, and Spirituality. The Brady Bunch and The Jefferson's are great shows. But they are only shows.

OK, basically the followers of The Partridge Family Temple believe that each of the members of the Partridge Family is a god or goddess. They also believe the each element of the show has archetypal symbolic significance. For example, Shirley is The Mother Earth Virgin Goddess and Keith is The Male Sex God. Laurie is The Whore of Babylon. Danny is The Trickster God, Chris is The Cosmic Drummer, and Tracy is The Virgin Nymph And the bus (yes, even the bus has an important role) the bus is The Spiritual Chariot.

I don't know what this means in terms of my current church. I'll have to find out if I can be a Partridge Family Temple Priest and continue to associate with my less psychedelic friends. There is still a lot to work out - after all, I've just experienced this Epiphany a few hours ago. I just had to share the good new with you. Really, I think I know how Paul felt on the road to Damascus. Except, I've found the one groovy path to true enlightenment and spiritual truth.

Dig it!