Making the Big Decisions
Anyone who knows Elizabeth knows that she has a love affair with spaghetti strap tops and dresses. She will wear spaghetti straps 356 days a year. To make life easier, I made the rule that she could not wear spaghetti straps to school. But, she could wear them on weekends no matter how cold it is outside, as long as she doesn’t complain about being cold.
This rule was created for a couple of reasons… 1) Most schools don’t allow children to wear spaghetti straps even in the summer. 2) At school I can’t be with her to make sure she wears her coat / sweater. 3) School buildings are often cold. 4) I don’t want the school teachers / administration to think I’m a bad mother for letting her wear spaghetti straps in January.
School is now out. Elizabeth is attending a day camp at the place where she went to preschool. Unlike other schools, her summer day camp did not send home a dress code. Honestly, I can’t remember if there was a dress code when Elizabeth was there for preschool. All week Elizabeth has been telling me that other girls wear spaghetti straps to the day camp and she has been begging me to allow her to wear one, too.
Well, this morning I was tired of fighting with her. I honestly haven't noticed if other children wear spaghetti straps. So, I told her it was her decision. If she really believed that she was allowed to wear spaghetti straps then she could wear them. I reminded her that at her elementary school, if they think you’re clothes are not appropriate they make you wear a really big, baggy tee shirt over your clothes. I’ve never seen the tee shirt, but I’m told it’s big enough and long enough to fit most girls like a dress going down to their knees.
Oh, how quick the tide turned. She wanted me to tell her it was alright to wear spaghetti straps. She wanted me to give her permission and for me to take the responsibility and ownership for the decision. But I refused. I told her she was completely free to wear whatever she wanted. She had to use her best judgment. If she was sure that it was allowed and other girls really did wear them, she could decide to wear one, too. But if she wasn’t sure, she could opt for short sleeves or sleeveless.
She struggled with this decision. She didn’t like the fact that I was not willing to take responsibility for her outfit. It took her a long time to decide. Finally, her fashion sense won out and she opted for the spaghetti straps.
As we drove to school she began to doubt her decision. "Do you think it’s alright mommy?" All I could say was I really didn’t know. I wasn’t trying to be hard on her... I really didn’t know. In the parking lot, she hesitated to get out of the car. "Oh I wish I wore short sleeves." She whined as she got out of the car. When I asked why, she said she was afraid she would get into trouble.
She made it to her classroom without incident. I signed her in at the front desk and we walked down the long hall to her room. When I left, no one had said anything to her, yet... But it was early. A lot of the teachers weren’t in, yet. The program director wasn’t there, yet. I left her standing in her room, looking tentative with her arms wrapped around her chest and her hands covering her nearly bear shoulders.
It will be interesting to see what she wears tomorrow.
This rule was created for a couple of reasons… 1) Most schools don’t allow children to wear spaghetti straps even in the summer. 2) At school I can’t be with her to make sure she wears her coat / sweater. 3) School buildings are often cold. 4) I don’t want the school teachers / administration to think I’m a bad mother for letting her wear spaghetti straps in January.
School is now out. Elizabeth is attending a day camp at the place where she went to preschool. Unlike other schools, her summer day camp did not send home a dress code. Honestly, I can’t remember if there was a dress code when Elizabeth was there for preschool. All week Elizabeth has been telling me that other girls wear spaghetti straps to the day camp and she has been begging me to allow her to wear one, too.
Well, this morning I was tired of fighting with her. I honestly haven't noticed if other children wear spaghetti straps. So, I told her it was her decision. If she really believed that she was allowed to wear spaghetti straps then she could wear them. I reminded her that at her elementary school, if they think you’re clothes are not appropriate they make you wear a really big, baggy tee shirt over your clothes. I’ve never seen the tee shirt, but I’m told it’s big enough and long enough to fit most girls like a dress going down to their knees.
Oh, how quick the tide turned. She wanted me to tell her it was alright to wear spaghetti straps. She wanted me to give her permission and for me to take the responsibility and ownership for the decision. But I refused. I told her she was completely free to wear whatever she wanted. She had to use her best judgment. If she was sure that it was allowed and other girls really did wear them, she could decide to wear one, too. But if she wasn’t sure, she could opt for short sleeves or sleeveless.
She struggled with this decision. She didn’t like the fact that I was not willing to take responsibility for her outfit. It took her a long time to decide. Finally, her fashion sense won out and she opted for the spaghetti straps.
As we drove to school she began to doubt her decision. "Do you think it’s alright mommy?" All I could say was I really didn’t know. I wasn’t trying to be hard on her... I really didn’t know. In the parking lot, she hesitated to get out of the car. "Oh I wish I wore short sleeves." She whined as she got out of the car. When I asked why, she said she was afraid she would get into trouble.
She made it to her classroom without incident. I signed her in at the front desk and we walked down the long hall to her room. When I left, no one had said anything to her, yet... But it was early. A lot of the teachers weren’t in, yet. The program director wasn’t there, yet. I left her standing in her room, looking tentative with her arms wrapped around her chest and her hands covering her nearly bear shoulders.
It will be interesting to see what she wears tomorrow.
posted by Liz at 9:55 AM
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