Dancing on Rt. 66

Dancing on Rt. 66

Today I drove a Chevy Caviler for the first time. It's not a bad car; but it is much lighter than the car I normally drive. Zipping around in the little Caviler, I was thinking about my life and how I'm feeling abandoned by God. I was really letting the self-pity and self-loathing steep and I was on the verge of starting to enjoy it when... WHOSH! A huge gust of wind slammed in to the side of my car and pushed the little guy almost into the next lane.

That blast of wind got my attention. I sat up a little straighter in my seat and grasp the steering wheel a little tighter as I eased the car back into my travel lane. But as often happens when traveling on an interstate, highway hypnosis sets in and soon I was back to my self-pity and self-loathing. WHOSH! A huge wind gust hit the other side of my car almost pushing me into the lane on the other side.

This cycle continued a few more times... self-pity, whoosh, despair, whoosh, feeling abandoned, whoosh... Suddenly I got it... God wanted my attention. It was as if He were saying, "You think I'm not here... well let me show you." It was as if God and I were dancing down Rt. 66 and both of us were trying to lead at the same time. My mind was suddenly filled with the blessings in my life... my beautiful daughter, my warm home, full refrigerator, safe cars, great friends, and my family. There have been a few miracles lately, too. Frankly, I didn't know how I was going to provide for Christmas... I have what I need, but nothing extra. Yesterday in the midst of my despair a check appeared in the mail... a completely unexpected check that would completely cover Christmas. I was so depressed that I didn't even realize what a miracle that was.

My thoughts started to drift to an experience I had shortly after I left my ex. The day I left, I took a few clothes for me and for Elizabeth in a plastic garbage bag and went to stay with a relative... I had no where else to go. After my restraining order was granted, I got a police escort back to my home and I had five hours to get out my belongings. Whatever I didn't take in those five hours (with policemen watching me pack) would be gone forever. My brother and some of his friends from church came to help me pack and load up a moving van. It was an insane day... I had to manage the group, coordinate the work efforts, search out my belongings, and get them packed and organized.

One of the few pieces of furniture I was taking was a dining room hutch. I had to separate out my pieces and then get someone to pack them. The easiest thing to do was to strip it down bear. I know that hutch was completely empty. There wasn't a single scrap of paper in that hutch...

A few years before my dad died he wrote a devotion that was published in the Upper Room. The Upper Room is a daily devotional magazine put out by a Methodist publisher. My dad was really proud that his work was published.

After the smoke cleared from my horrible moving day, I found myself in a tiny one bed-room apartment that Elizabeth and I now shared, surrounded by boxes, a couple pieces of furniture, and just the two of us. I felt like such a failure. I had known for a long time that there were big issues with my ex, but this was the ultimate failure. Nothing in my life was turning out to be what I had expected, hoped for, or dreamed about.

Despite my tears I started to unpack the boxes. The first box took me to my completely empty hutch. When I opened the drawer... I found a copy of the issue of The Upper Room that had my dad's devotional in it. I was shocked. That drawer was empty when it left my old house.

I sat down and reread what my dad had written. He talked about how nothing in his life had turned out as he had planned... but in retrospect he could see all the good works he had unwittingly done for others and the unexpected blessings that had come to him because he trusted God. In the end, he concluded, you have to let God take the controls in your life. That moving day, the tears came flooding. It was as if God was allowing my dad to reach beyond the grave to advise me and comfort me just when I needed it the most.

Today as my car danced down the highway I reflected on the day I found that meditation. I thought about what a comforting miracle that had been. I was amazed that the meditation my dad wrote years before my divorce was so relevant to my life on that day... and today. I thought about it long and hard as I sped down Rt. 66.

I can't tell you that my depression has lifted. I can't sit here and tell you that all is right in my world. But I can say this: God IS with me. Things in my life may not be what I expected, but with God’s help maybe I can learn to live with that.