Halloween and Popularity
This evening was the PTA Halloween Party at Elizabeth's school. It was a pretty nice evening -- they had pizza, a candy hunt, a cake walk, a hula hoop contest, a costume contest, candy corn counting and pumpkin weight guessing game, and some other traditional Halloween party activities.
I've always hated these kinds of events. Even as a child I hated them. I just don't like being in large groups of people. When I was a kid, it was especially painful because I didn't have many friends and it really bothered me. I always wanted to be one of those girls in the popular circle -- the ones who upon seeing each other across the room would wave and yell a greeting, run towards each other with open arms, embrace, kiss (in a we're really great girlfriends and I haven't seen in you in all of five minutes kinda way), and immediately giggle while whispering some great secerts in each others ears, giggle some more and then as gaggle run off to do some kind of really cool, really popular activity. This seems to happens if it's just two girls (you know the first two to arrive) and when there is a whole group of them - with a group hug and lots of kisses as the last girl arrives. Once they were done hugging, kissing, and giggling (well done giggling for time being) they always seemed to be in the "in" spot. They were always at the epicenter of every event and everyone always wanted to be where they were.
Around these girls, there were always various rings - kinda like the rings of hell but backwards. The further you got from "the girls", the more hellish your life seemed to be. I was always in the chess club/ debate club ring -- you know well outside of the bank geeks ring. That is, if I made it into a ring at all.
Tonight I discovered that my lovely little girl is at the center and right smack at the "in spot" ground zero. This made me so happy. I know that popularity isn't really something we should make a life goal - at least not in the shallow way that I'm talking about. And I would never say anything to her about it. But I'm still glad that she's there in the center. It always seemed like life was a little easier for the girls in this group. Now don't get me wrong, I know they faced and will face their own set of trials and heartaches. But what's wrong with having the benefits and little edge that comes from being popular. Life is hard enough - what's wrong taking advantage of the few things that come along to make it a little easier. Besides, even if really terrible things happen, you'll still have your circle of friends to support you during the hard times.
So... here are some pics from my little prom queen in the making:
PS: I snuck in a pre-party photo of poor Mama Ghada - Elizabeth is making her wear a prom dress for her Halloween costume... Elizabeth doesn't know how lucky she is to have the long suffering Mama Ghada.
I've always hated these kinds of events. Even as a child I hated them. I just don't like being in large groups of people. When I was a kid, it was especially painful because I didn't have many friends and it really bothered me. I always wanted to be one of those girls in the popular circle -- the ones who upon seeing each other across the room would wave and yell a greeting, run towards each other with open arms, embrace, kiss (in a we're really great girlfriends and I haven't seen in you in all of five minutes kinda way), and immediately giggle while whispering some great secerts in each others ears, giggle some more and then as gaggle run off to do some kind of really cool, really popular activity. This seems to happens if it's just two girls (you know the first two to arrive) and when there is a whole group of them - with a group hug and lots of kisses as the last girl arrives. Once they were done hugging, kissing, and giggling (well done giggling for time being) they always seemed to be in the "in" spot. They were always at the epicenter of every event and everyone always wanted to be where they were.
Around these girls, there were always various rings - kinda like the rings of hell but backwards. The further you got from "the girls", the more hellish your life seemed to be. I was always in the chess club/ debate club ring -- you know well outside of the bank geeks ring. That is, if I made it into a ring at all.
Tonight I discovered that my lovely little girl is at the center and right smack at the "in spot" ground zero. This made me so happy. I know that popularity isn't really something we should make a life goal - at least not in the shallow way that I'm talking about. And I would never say anything to her about it. But I'm still glad that she's there in the center. It always seemed like life was a little easier for the girls in this group. Now don't get me wrong, I know they faced and will face their own set of trials and heartaches. But what's wrong with having the benefits and little edge that comes from being popular. Life is hard enough - what's wrong taking advantage of the few things that come along to make it a little easier. Besides, even if really terrible things happen, you'll still have your circle of friends to support you during the hard times.
So... here are some pics from my little prom queen in the making:
PS: I snuck in a pre-party photo of poor Mama Ghada - Elizabeth is making her wear a prom dress for her Halloween costume... Elizabeth doesn't know how lucky she is to have the long suffering Mama Ghada.
posted by Liz at 10:50 PM
1 Comments:
Hm... I find I must respond. However irrelevant it may be to Elizabeth's eventual experience...
I was not THE popular kid in high school, though I always had my share of friends, I suppose. (4th through 6th grade -- now there's another story. In the bad way.) I think the greatest peril of popularity is all the conforming one must do to maintain that "edge." The pressures are pretty enormous. There's an incredible amount of self-loathing among the popular set, believe it or not. A lot of anorexia. A lot of premature sexual experiences. Etc. Etc. It seemed to pretty much consume the popular girls.
There were others who were popular in more of the "right" ways, but they also took those kinds of hits as well, it seemed from where I sat. And almost inevitably, those girls had their heyday in high school. That was it. They became, in a sense, popularity addicts, and had a really hard time developing their senses of self outside of that, and finding themselves in the great world afterward -- in college or whatever. This was one fascinating element of college sororities for me, to see the popular high school girls re-find each other in other, more grown-up style cliques. Need I say, they weren't terribly healthy...
As someone who experienced a lot of the ups and downs of popularity/unpopularity, I think there's really something to be said for that period (or periods) of unpopularity. It really shapes and molds you. In good ways. Obviously, if that's the sum total of your experience, well ... not so cool. But later, if your fortune reverses, let's say, you can sit back and say: Hey, guys. You weren't so very interested in me when I was 20 pounds heavier. Or, before I got contact lenses. Or before I was accepted by "the" clique. Whatever the case may be. The lessons are hard, but good for perspective.
However: Sit back and watch me agonize over the same things as Lizzy hits the more "socially dependent" ages.
:)
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