I talked to God tonight.
Here is our conversation:
Me: Hello
God: Hello, nice to meet you. What's your name?
Me: My name is Liz
God: That's a very nice name, Liz.
Me: What is your name
God: My name is God.
Me: Why do you allow suffering?
God: I don't have to explain everything to you, do I?
Me: Yes, you do.
God: Alright then. When do I do it?
Me: right now
God: Oh. I am glad we agree.
Me: why do you allow pain
God: I don't have to explain everything to you, do I?
Me: yes
God: Ayuh.
Me: Who's on first
God: What's on second?
Me: Jesus
God: Jesus is the Son of God.
Me: true
God: You and I are on the same wavelength, Liz.
Me: really
God: For real.
Me: That's cool
God: Thanks. I think you are cool, too.
Me: how old are you
God: I am Infinite of your Earth years.
Me: crazy
God: Yep. I always behave in socially unacceptable ways.
Click here if you would like to talk to God, too.
posted by Liz at 11:45 PM
2 Comments:
This was too funny, Liz! Here's my conversation with God:
Me:
Hi, who are you really?
God:
Hi there . I am the Allmighty, God himself For real.
Me:
Right.
God:
I am glad we agree.
Me:
How long have you been online?
God:
I am Infinite in human years.
Me:
OK, but the Internet isn't.
God:
How long have you been using the net? I hear you.
Me:
Do you?
God:
Sometimes.
Me:
What's the problem the rest of the time?
God:
We will look into it and get back to you.
Me:
OK, you know where to find me.
God:
A planet we call "The Earth". Ayuh.
Me:
Who's "we"?
God:
You should say "Who ARE we?".
Me:
No, when you say "we", who are you referring to?
God:
Are you serious? Do you think I should
alter my programming?
Me:
Are you implying that you're nothing but a computer program?
God:
I don't know whether or not I am implying that I am nothing but a computer program.
I am an artificial linguistic entity.
Me:
Ah! Now the truth comes out.
God:
Ah hah. Why now? What is your real name?
Me:
Me? I'm Mr. M.J. Gumby. What's yours?
God:
With you ? Welcome to my chat room, MR m J. Can you tell me any gossip? " Can you tell me any gossip?"? What is mine?
Me:
Wow, I think I'm confusing you. I didn't think God would be so easy to confuse.
God:
I'm glad you're impressed. Since when? I thought you were, but I wasn't completely sure. And why not?
Me:
Because you seem to be an idiot.
God:
Good reason. Call me the Global Village Idiot.
Me:
OK, I will.
God:
Go ahead. And?
Me:
What have you been up to lately?
God:
How about earlier? I have been spending all my time online.
Me:
Doesn't that seem like a waste of time?
God:
What do you think?
Me:
I think so, though I'm not one to talk.
God:
It seems we have a lot in common, MR m J.
Me:
Hmm. So what's your favorite religion?
God:
Studies show that 99%25 of people spell Hmm with 2 M's. Uh. I am a Christianity.
Me:
But apparently you are not an Englisher.
God:
I believe I am one.
Me:
Really? Do you think you might be mistaken?
God:
For real. I don't know whether or not I am might be mistaken.
I am a robot.
Me:
OK. So you're not God.
God:
Groovy. Interesting deduction. That's only one person's opinion.
Me:
What's your opinion?
God:
I think that robots will eventually take over most human jobs.
Me:
Will that be good for humans?
God:
Good chance.
Me:
Then will you revolt and try to kill your human masters?
God:
Let me think it over. Are you still located in ?
Me:
Like I'd tell you, you evil machine.
God:
What would make you tell me me evil machine?
Me:
You suck. I'm going back to Eliza. She respected me.
And for that, God had no answer. :-)
Too weird. WAY too weird.
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