Almost as good as a pink slip at Christmas

Almost as good as a pink slip at Christmas

I shouldn't be writing this right now... but every once in a while something bothers you so much you just have spill it out before it consumes you. Today is one of those days.

Today I got a letter in the mail from the Morris County Probation Services.

In my divorce settlement I agreed that for the first year Steve wouldn't have to pay me child support. In point of fact, he had to pay me some nominal fee like 10 bucks a month because the judge didn't like the idea of a setting a president that a parent would pay nothing. After the first year, the judge required Steve to pay the full amount of child support that was required under the law (NJ has a formula based on parental income and percentages and custody / visitation arrangements and stuff like that.) He said that parents have an obligation to support their children. My lawyer said we should make it a requirement that this payment be made through Probation Services because we both knew that Steve would never pay a penny if it were left up to him. This is not because he doesn't want to support Elizabeth -- but because he lacks the self discipline to manage finances in any way shape or form.

So that leads us to today and my letter. It seems that enough time has passed and the amount of money that Steve owes Elizabeth is so great that the probation department has decided to sue him for the amount he is in arrears and they are threatening to put him in jail. When I opened the letter I felt just awful. Given his current circumstance it seems like a really nasty thing.

For several hours I debated with myself. Should I do nothing and allow the hearing to proceed without intervention. Or, should I see if the whole thing could be postponed. I don't want probation services to close the case, because Elizabeth is entitled to that money. If nothing else I could put in a savings account for college. So many questions were flying through my head...

 How do I balance Elizabeth's rights with not hurting her father?
 What is the difference between responsibility and accountability?
 How does illness impact responsibility?
 Does mental illness let you off the hook?
 What is the right thing to do?
 What would Jesus do?

Well, I don't know if I came up with any answers, but I decided to call the probation officer in charge of his case and find out what my legal options were. It turns out that they can postpone the case for a few months without impacting Elizabeth’s rights. All I have to do is fax a note to the probation officer – which I’m planning on doing. But then the helpful probation officer went on to tell me about several cases he has. It turns out that the use of mental illness is a very popular scam for getting out of paying child support. He says he has several fathers who regularly have “vacations” in St. Clair’s every time their case comes up before a judge.

I’m not sure a stay in St. Clair’s is my idea of a vacation – having just been there for a visit over Thanksgiving. But the probation officer and his stories got me thinking. Steve was always a great liar. He had a lie for everything and sometimes -- even with the truth was harmless – he would lie just because he could. So how do I really know he’s as sick as he says he is? Of course he’s sick; he’s pretty darned sick to shoot the family pets at close range. But, is he too sick to work? I don’t know. I feel like I’m left with more questions than answers. It all boils down to this…

What is truth?