Do we really have to turn the other cheek all the time?
I've been thinking about this for a long time now. Before the start of Advent we did a series on the Sermon on the Mount at church. Something we discussed has bothered me for a while. I was hoping that it would work itself out or maybe just go away, but it hasn't. I've also procrastinated about posting this because I'm afraid of some of the comments that might pop up. Don't get me wrong, I'm open to healthy debate. But, this particular issue is very sensitive for me and in the past there's been a stranger or two to happen along and leave (what I considered to be) insensitive and almost hurtful comments. But, the issue isn't resolving itself. Maybe by putting it out there, resolution will occur.
So here's my dilemma. In Matthew Chapter 5, verses 38 - 42, Jesus says, "Here's another old saying that deserves a second look: "Eye for eye, tooth for tooth.' Is that going to get us anywhere? Here's what I propose: "Don't hit back at all.' If someone strikes you, stand there and take it. If someone drags you into court and sues for the shirt off your back, gift wrap your best coat and make a present of it. And if someone takes unfair advantage of you, use the occasion to practice the servant life. No more tit-for-tat stuff. Live generously."
On the surface, this seems like a fairly straight forward command. I understand "turning the other cheek" when someone slaps you. It's not easy to do, but the concept is fairly simple.
But what about this... what about rape? If I'm raped, should I thank him and say it was the best experience I've ever had? Hey, I'm told that's what a guy wants to hear. And it seems like the closest I can come to gift wrapping my coat that I can get.
What about incest? If a family member wants me to do things, should I do it gladly? And what about the other forms of child abuse... if a parent is beating their child or telling their child they wished they'd had an abortion because the child (at the age of six or seven) turned out to be such a pain in the ass it would have been better if they hadn't been born?
Are these things that Jesus expects us to accept joyfully?
On the one hand, I can't believe that was the message. But at the same time, being raped is nothing compared to what Jesus endured for us. Maybe it is what he expects of us.
Does anyone have any thoughts about this? I'm at a loss.
posted by Liz at 1:26 AM
3 Comments:
well ... that's a heavy one, and I haven't had much of my coffee yet this morning. When I think about it, I'm not sure Jesus had much to say about rape (specifically). But he did have a lot to say about using love to manipulate people. And rape is not about sex, it's about control. I think I'd put incest in the same category. So ... looking at them with that lens, I'm not sure that Jesus would stick those "crimes" in the same place in his scheme. And even in the SotM, He didn't suggest that victims of crime accept their fate joyfully. He was suggesting that they not respond vengefully, and allow God to seek vengence on their behalf. My guess is that He would do the same in the case of rape and incest. I'm pretty sure we should not remain in situations where it could happen over and over again, we should forgive our attacker (eventually ... more on that in a minute), allow the state to pursue discipline, and God to pursue justice (see Micah). We shouldn't be a doormat, but we shouldn't be a baseball bat either. I think there's a happy medium somewhere.
Now about that whole forgiveness schtick. Here's what I believe about it ... these are just my thoughts, so take them for what they're worth (this and $1.50 will get you a cup of coffee). I think it's gotten a bad rap lately. First of all forgiving someone who has badly injured you takes years, or maybe a whole lifetime. It's a process, not a switch. But it's something that you must attempt and go through, not for that person, but for you. I believe that God calls to this process for our own mental health and well-being as well as for the health of the person we forgive. But I really think it has more to do with us than them.
Next, forgiving someone doesn't mean you become best buddies with them. They may still be dangerous criminals, or just dangerous to you. So, forgiveness may just mean, you no longer hold that person accountable for their "crime" (whatever it was) in your heart. You consider their debt paid. But it doesn't necessarily mean you have any interaction with them. It also doesn't mean that you think what they did was okay. It still means that what they did was wrong, it's just that you are not pursuing them for it. You are conciously choosing to "turn the other cheek." And (as I said) this is a process, not a switch.
I think there's a third thing about this, but I can't seem to dig it out. Maybe I need to finish my coffee ;-) But I've probably filled your comments with enough of my drivel now!! Good post ... I hope I've given you some stuff to help you come to some terms with what Jesus said and what's gone on in your life. It's all a journey, some forward, some sideways, some back. Enjoy the scenery and keep putting one foot in front of the other.
Yea, I was thinking of much of what Sonja and Ross both said... John 8:59 and Micah (But what does the Lord require of you but to do justice and to love mercy and to walk humbly with our God). There has to be a balance between being a doormat and/or carrying a bat. And I totally agree with Sonja that forgiveness is for US much more than the transgressor. I even know someone who would say he ended up with a disease due to unforgiveness (releasing the anger and hatred). As I once heard a holocaust survivor say: "I am getting my revenge on Hitler by living my life. I'm leaving that behind."
Unfortunately (or rather, fortunately, I think), people don't get what they deserve... but the fortunate side is that WE don't get what we deserve either. That's what's amazing about Grace. And it's a more amazing revelation to me the more I've realize how I've hurt others.
Thanks for asking the question, Liz. I appreciate the vulnerability. And the chance to read the excellent responses.
I can't imagine how hard it must be to forgive such a personal act of aggression. Such a violation. I have no concept. It would take a miracle. It would take lots and lots and lots and lots of God's help. But, somehow, He's bigger than all of it.
Sorry if that seems trite. That's about the level of simplicity I'm on today.
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