I did this!
Saturday evening Elizabeth and I went grocery shopping. The isles were teaming with Halloween inspired junk... Elizabeth found a stuffed Halloween cat that she wanted to show me. I was busy comparing the prices and ingredients on various bottles of ketchup. It took her a several seconds to get my attention; it's amazing how interesting ketchup can be. She was very excited for me to see the kitty she found. As I turned to follow her, she ran off down the isle in a half skip.
She was laughing. Her long blond hair was bouncing and swinging from her energetic stride. Her eyes sparkled.
All of a sudden I felt the most intense fear course through my veins... "What idiot entrusted this beautiful child to ME?" I felt a little light headed. The full weight of the responsibility of raising a child hit me as waves of panic washed over me. What was I thinking? What made me believe I could be a mother? I did it... I choose to get pregnant. It was planned and I wanted (and still want) her more than anything. But what was I thinking? Being a mommy is forever.
I haven't felt this kind of fear since she was a tiny baby. Luckily the fear didn't last long. But it did remind me just how lucky I am to have this wonderful miracle in my life.
posted by Liz at 1:14 AM
1 Comments:
that's funny, I've been thinking about how exciting and yet scary it must be to have a child. I love spending time with Elizabeth and the kids at church because so much of my own stupidness and self-absorbtion disappears. And they take the spotlight. But that's the life of an Uncle. You get to be there when they cry. And you feel what it's like to wonder about their high school years. And when they're gone. And you can worry or you can relax. But I just bet that you really pray!
Post a Comment
<< Home