Life in the Big City

2009-11-20T09:22:00.001-05:00

I want my daughter to have nothing but happiness and bliss. It just kills me to know the only way for her to have happiness is to allow her walk through some pain. Why can't I change that for her?

2009-11-18T22:19:00.001-05:00

I can now post via text message. Wahoo!!!

2009-04-29T12:14:00.003-04:00

Like Kate, I can't resist lists. So here goes...

Copy and paste this into your own blog, if you want to participate. Then, bold the items that you’ve actually done.

1. Started your own blog

2. Slept under the stars

3. Played in a band (We never preformed live, and I only played bass for one song - Sweet Jane, and I don't remember how to play that song anymore, and the band broke up before I could learn anything else... oh well.)

4. Visited Hawaii

5. Watched a meteor shower

6. Given more than you can afford to charity (Like Kate said, this one's a judgment call)

7. Been to Disneyland (only on business - yeah, you heard me right. It was a business trip.)

8. Climbed a mountain (a really small one)

9. Held a praying mantis

10. Sang a solo

11. Bungee jumped

12. Visited Paris

13. Watched a lightning storm at sea

14. Taught yourself an art from scratch

15. Adopted a child

16. Had food poisoning

17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty

18. Grown your own vegetables

19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France

20. Slept on an overnight train

21. Had a pillow fight

22. Hitch hiked

23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill (This should be re-written to ask if you've taken a sick day when you weren't allowed to by company policy. Because I've taken lots of sick days to care for family members which is allowed. But I've never taken an illegal sick day.)

24. Built a snow fort

25. Held a lamb

26. Gone skinny dipping

27. Run a Marathon

28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice

29. Seen a total eclipse

30. Watched a sunrise or sunset

31. Hit a home run

32. Been on a cruise

33. Seen Niagara Falls in person

34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors

35. Seen an Amish community

36. Taught yourself a new language

37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied

38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person

39. Gone rock climbing

40. Seen Michelangelo’s David

41. Sung karaoke

42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt

43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant

44. Visited Africa

45. Walked on a beach by moonlight

46. Been transported in an ambulance (Actually, it was a hearse, the place where we were living was so small that they stuck a red light on top of the hearse when someone needed to be taken to the hospital by ambulance.)

47. Had your portrait painted

48. Gone deep sea fishing

49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person

50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris

51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling

52. Kissed in the rain

53. Played in the mud

54. Gone to a drive-in theater

55. Been in a movie

56. Visited the Great Wall of China

57. Started a business

58. Taken a martial arts class

59. Visited Russia

60. Served at a soup kitchen

61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies

62. Gone whale watching

63. Got flowers for no reason

64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma

65. Gone sky diving

66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp

67. Bounced a check (not for a VERY long time, I'm proud to report)

68. Flown in a helicopter

69. Saved a favorite childhood toy

70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial

71. Eaten Caviar

72. Pieced a quilt

73. Stood in Times Square

74. Toured the Everglades

75. Been fired from a job

76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London

77. Broken a bone (it was just the very tip of one of my fingers, but it still hurt like heck)

78. Been on a speeding motorcycle (The speed limit was 25 and he was going faster than the speed limit.)

79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person

80. Published a book

81. Visited the Vatican

82. Bought a brand new car

83. Walked in Jerusalem

84. Had your picture in the newspaper (Several, including the New York Times :)

85. Read the entire Bible

86. Visited the White House

87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating

88. Had chickenpox

89. Saved someone’s life

90. Sat on a jury

91. Met someone famous

92. Joined a book club

93. Lost a loved one

94. Had a baby

95. Seen the Alamo in person (Another business trip.)

96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake

97. Been involved in a law suit

98. Owned a cell phone

99. Been stung by a bee

2008-09-13T22:35:00.001-04:00

Random Conversations

2008-08-22T15:04:00.000-04:00

Here are a few things you might have overheard if only you lived with me:

~*~*~*~

M - Sweety, I want you to know I'm a bit stressed so if I'm a bit snappy I don't mean it.
E - Why?
M - We're going to be laying off some people soon and I have to figure out who I'm going to recommend we keep and who should go.
E - But I thought you said there were some people who don't do a good job.
M - Yeah, there are some folks who aren't very good at their job, but they're still people with houses and kids and I don't want to hurt them.
E - Why don't you just pick the people who don't do a good job and don't have kids.

~*~*~*~

M - I have some bad news.
E - You got laid off.
M - Yeah.
E - Oh. Well, don't worry. God takes care of everything and it will all work out.
A few seconds of silence...
E - Mom, can you buy me my own wireless lap top so I can use it in my room?

~*~*~*~

M - Would you clean up that mess! How many times do I have to ask you to put away your things.
E - You sound really stressed.
M - Yeah.
E - Don't worry mom. You are a really super lady with a great personality and you always do a fantastic job. Red Cross was really stupid to lay you off and you're going to find a job soon. Any smart company would be thrilled to have you work for them.
(The sound of a thud echos as my jaw hits the floor.)
M - Uh... well... a..., thanks. How old are you?

~*~*~*~
(The song When You Look Me in the Eye by the Jonas Brothers is playing on the car radio.)

E - Skip this song.
M - I thought you loved it?
E - Mom, this is a really stupid song.
M - But it's the Jonas Brothers. I thought you loved them.
E - Yeah, I do. But this song is just creepy.
M - It's a love song.
E - But why would they play a song like this? It's silly. I don't like it.
M - Yeah, but there are some girls who hear this song and they think Joe is singing right to them.
E - (laughing) Now that's just stupid.
M - It sells records.
E - Just to the crazy girls.

~*~*~*~

I swear this child was born in 1999. I was there when it happened.

~*~*~*~

PS - Don't tell Elizabeth, but I was sure David Cassidy was talking right to me when he sang, "You don't know how many times I wish that I could hold you..."

Just to make sure I REALLY embarrass my daughter

2008-07-20T22:59:00.001-04:00

Send a JibJab Sendables® eCard Today!

HT to Common Table Corelist

2008-07-20T22:23:00.001-04:00

Send a JibJab Sendables® eCard Today!

OMG!!!!

2008-06-29T19:08:00.002-04:00

I've already sold my first set of postcards. How cool is that. I figured I was doing all this stuff for the heck of it. Who knew someone else would actually like it!

Creative Pursuits

2008-06-29T19:00:00.003-04:00

Now that I'm about to be laid off - just a few more weeks to go - I'm finding that I have more free time. It's amazing how many things I used to do. Some things I completely forgot that I enjoyed.

One of those cool things is photography. But I decided to make it more than a hobby. I've opened a store on Etsy.com. It's called Desperate Dolls and you can find us as DesperateDolls.etsy.com. Let me know what ya' think!

I'm in love, Love, LOVE!!!

2008-04-10T01:19:00.005-04:00

It uses the Maserati's strongly built steel platform with a steel upper structure designed to achieve a very high torsional rigidity. It also forms the structural base for its carbon-fiber body, this combination having been chosen for its light weight, ensuring a low center of gravity. Its lines are smooth and elegant, the result of cooperation between stylists and aerodynamicists.

The all-aluminum 90-degree V-8 engine has twin overhead camshafts per cylinder bank, driven by a single space-saving chain, four valves per cylinder and dry-sump lubrication.

Although the powerplant is also a close relative of the Ferrari 430 engine, its 5-bearing crankshaft is of the conventional 90-degree type for complete balance of first- and second-order forces. All the pressurized oil passages are part of the cylinder block and head castings, with no external lines, while the dry-sump oil system — its tank has a capacity of 10.5 liters (2.77 gal.) — ensures efficient lubrication even under the highest cornering forces. Additionally, together with the small diameter of the low-inertia twin-disc clutch, the flat crankcase bottom has made it possible to place the engine very low in the chassis for a low overall center of gravity.

We clocked 0–60 mph in 4.2 seconds and covered the quarter mile in 12.4 sec. at 115.4 mph. Driving for only a few hours, we got a rough idea about the 8C's fantastic balance and dynamic potential (it pulls 1.02g in lateral acceleration), and it is certainly among the best rear-wheel-drive cars we've ever tested.

As the 8C delivers what has been promised, we don't doubt the official Alfa figures except one — the top speed. It is listed at 181 mph, but this is probably false to keep a certain respectful distance from Ferrari. Off the record, we have been told the 8C gets close to 190 mph...

The Italians have created a legitimate sports coupe and a serious alternative to Aston Martins, BMWs and Porsches. It's a genuine GT with excellent comfort on the open road as well. Knowing that the Italian brand still resounds in the U.S., we sense there is certainly a lot of potential for Alfa Romeo's North American revival. Without a doubt, the 8C will prepare the public for other (less expensive) Alfa models to come. Alfa just announced it will build 500 versions of the 8C Spider in 2009.

Hopes Dashed

2008-02-27T00:14:00.002-05:00

I'm at a national meeting to discuss all things quality. This morning I was very excited to see that the last speaker of the day was named Deana Croghan. Given the name, this person just had to represent the most perfect person alive. I waited all day with giddy excitement. But alas, she didn't begin to live up to her name. She was a very nice person with many fine quality observations... but she sure wasn't Deana nor was she anything close to Croghan.

Teardrop

2008-02-21T15:12:00.001-05:00

A History of Evil

2008-02-18T23:23:00.001-05:00

Beatles on Ed Sulivan + ET the Movie + Girl Next Door = ?

2008-02-05T00:15:00.000-05:00

Ah, come on... this is easy. The answer is obvious! I'm talking about Hannah Montana & Miley Cyrus: Best of Both Worlds Concert 3D Movie!

Believe it or not, we were among the lucky millions who saw it this weekend. It opened Friday, so that morning (at 6 AM Eastern) I got on-line to pre-purchase my tickets for that evening. Ha! I thought I was being so pro-active and prepared. HA! I say again, HA! All of the shows in the area were sold out for Friday. At 6 AM Friday morning there were only TWO shows with tickets remaining for the ENTIRE weekend... I could choose 9:45 PM Saturday or 9:45 PM Sunday. Hey, having to choose between being late for / missing church or being late for / missing work and school... well, sorry church friends, you lost.

But what an event that movie turned out to be. Silly me. I was afraid I would be bored. But I knew we were in for an interesting evening when I noticed the line forming outside the theater more than an hour before the show was to start. The last time I remember a movie having both ticket buyer lines and ticket holder lines was ET. Of course, this time there were no ticket buyer lines because all of the tickets had been purchased on-line at 6 AM Friday morning.

I was surprised by the ages of the girls. Lots of the girls were much older than I expected (or at least they LOOKED a lot older than I expected.) I had a good hour to scope out the fans as we stood in line with our pre-purchased tickets. I was also surprised to see that several of the older girls already had their 3D glasses. Elizabeth was quite alarmed that she was missing out on something because she didn't have glasses. After several attempts to get glasses she finally asked one of the girls where she got them. Turns out the girl (and her gaggle of friends) had already seen the movie three times and she was in line for number four. Remember, the movie had only been open for two days at this point!

But once the movie started... Well, I'm not sure I walked out of the theater with all of the hearing I had when I walked in. Those girls sure can scream. Now I understand why the Beatles stopped touring. Yikes! Why would you pay $15.00 per ticket (plus the $2.00 service fee for ordering on-line at 6 AM) and then not listen to the bloody movie? The girls were screaming and clapping and dancing in the isles. It almost felt like a Happening or something.

And the thing is - the movie was better than I expected. Sure it was a manufactured Disney experience. But if there is one thing Disney knows how to do it's manufacture experience. If all crass commercialism lacking redeeming moral value and true artistic vision was this good then I'm sure we'd live in a world filled with bubblegum pop and Paul Anka would be king... or something like that.

Anyway, the movie is only going to be out for a week (or there abouts.) So if you want to be a part of this phenomenon you'd better stop reading this and get yourself over to http://www.moviephone.com/ right now!

Two GREAT Ways to Make the World a Better Place!

2008-01-28T16:26:00.001-05:00

It's that time of year... you know, the second (or maybe third) sweetest time of year... It's GIRL SCOUT COOKIE TIME! So, you can help build the female leaders of tomorrow and munch yummy cookies today. Our troop is selling now. There are lots of great flavors - many returning favorites and some new ones too. (Including sugar free chocolate chip!)

If you'd like to buy some, drop me an email, give me a phone call, leave a comment, whatever works. I'll trust you to get me the money. But I got the paper work late so let me know pretty quickly (due to a mix-up back at headquarters - I just love being able to blame headquarters because for once it's not me!)

On another note, Elizabeth is doing the American Heart Association Jump for Heart event again. If you would like to pledge some pennies or even a few dollars to help her meet her giving goal... that would be SUPER DUPER! You can give directly via Elizabeth's private web site.

WOW! Two great chances to make the world a better place and you don't even have to leave the comfort of you computer screen!

(edited to fix a link)

Let's Tango

2008-01-24T22:20:00.001-05:00

Elizabeth and I were doing the Tango using office chairs. After humming the music for a while we decided we need real Tango music. I gotta say this is a lot cooler than our office chair version.

Just Shoot Me Now!

2008-01-24T21:15:00.000-05:00

I'm not kidding. Would someone just come over and shoot me in the head. Have you ever noticed that some days the bad things seem even worse than they really are? Well, today was one of those days.

Today we had an all hands meeting with the real big-wigs at work. They spent the day meeting with various lines of business to confirm that 1000 people will be laid off. Yes, that's one thousand people out of three thousand five hundred. Not very good odds, if you ask me. The good news is that my area is not slated to be included in the initial wave of 1000. But when they're making those kinds of cuts its hard to feel safe anywhere.

I'm trying to refinance my house because I have one of those predatory loans that you keep hearing about. But with this news should I do it? I don't know.... It feels really scary. You know, there are no guarantees anywhere?

After work I went to pick up Elizabeth at her after school program (they call it SACC.) Tomorrow is a Teacher Work Day so the kids don't have classes but SACC is open because it's not a school holiday. The SACC leaders decided to have the kids put on a little play tomorrow. They invited the parents. That sounds cool, doesn't it? It sounds like a creative, fun, event that teaches kids life skills and helps to build their self-confidence. Cool, right? Wrong. They're having the show from 2-2:45PM. What friggin' parent can get to the school for a play from 2-2:45PM? I mean let's be real.

Elizabeth asked me if I were going to go and when I said no she proceeded to have a 20 minute hysterical fit about how I don't love her, I never go to her school events, and my job is more important than she is. After she calmed down and went away I called SACC. I asked that they reconsider their policy/ program/ whatever of having plays in the middle of the day (this is the SECOND time they've done this.)

The lady went on to give me a lecture about how kids are resilient and I'm not scaring her for life and why should I ruin it for all the other kids and I was just being too soft hearted with Elizabeth and letting her manipulate me. I needed to be a firmer parent, she said. Gesh!

Well, I showed her... I proceed to cry in her ear for a good 15 minutes. And I don't mean whimper - no this was big bawling sobs of crying. "It's more complicaaaated than that" I wailed, "you don't understand what my job is like." Sniffle. Sniffle. Sniffle. "This isn't about being re-re-resilient or ten-en-ender hearted. And why-y-y did you set i-i-it up to make work-ing-ing-ing moms the bad guy." Sniffle. "Doooon't you think I-I-I waaant to be there?" Ha! I think it will be a long time before she tries to lecture another parent. Although, I'm really not looking forward to seeing her tomorrow.

So after that fun, I went in the house and started to prepare dinner. I got the chicken out, seasoned it, and put it in the pan to cook. I heard a huge bang, saw a bright flash of light, and sparks started to spew out of my burner. Then the stove died. Hmm, that was fun. Hey, I know, let's do it again tomorrow.

Oh, and does anyone have any good recommendations for electric stoves?

Wonder

2008-01-21T00:21:00.001-05:00

I couldn't resist...

2007-12-24T00:09:00.000-05:00

I had Elizabeth answer the questions as best she could. Here is her spiritual type...

You are a Lover, a feeling type, whose spirituality comes primarily from the heart or emotions. You value freedom, independence, and spontaneity. Along with your gift of enthusiasm, you show us how to have fun and appreciate beauty. More than any other type, you know how to experience joy. This puts you in a unique position to experience God in the moment, to revel in what is happening around you, and to be in the present tense.
To Lovers, God is a nurturing parent. Prayer for you is often extemporaneous, speaking to God about what is on your heart at the moment. Music moves you deeply; so does heartfelt preaching and worship. You believe that real faith must be shared. Consequently, many Lovers are interested in missions or in spreading the Gospel through the media. You are passionate about holy living.

On the other hand, a Lover's impulsive behavior can get you in trouble. You sometimes focus on satisfying immediate desires to the detriment of investing in longer term needs. You have been known to exude a "holier-than-thou" attitude toward other spiritual types. That does not endear you to us. Guard against thinking that to be right everyone else must share a spiritual experience similar to yours. You also may need permission to acknowledge anger, disappointment, sadness, and doubt, and to allow yourself to be less than ideal.

Famous Lovers:

Snoopy | Aunt Bee | Alanis Morissette
Billy Graham | Julia Butterfly Hill
Andrea Bochelli | Joey Tribbiani
His Holiness, The Dalai Lama | Mary Magdelene
Captain Kirk | Ida Mae Brown (in Ghost)

Spiritual Type Test

2007-12-23T23:52:00.000-05:00

This isn't your classic internet test. This actually came off the UMC web site. You can find it here. My results seem pretty close to the way I see myself. I will say that I had already recognized some of my weaknesses and I've spent some time working on them. So, you'll either say, "What the heck have you been doing?" or "You're doing a darned good job at it." I'm not sure, feel free to let me know (kindly, of course.) But, anyway, here are my results:

You are a Sage, characterized by a thinking or head spirituality. You value responsibility, logic, and order. Maybe that's why you were voted "Most Dependable" by your high school classmates. Structure and organization are important to you. What would the world be like without you? Chaos, that's what! Your favorite words include should, ought, and be prepared. What makes you feel warm and fuzzy? Like Tevye from Fiddler on the Roof it's tradition! tradition! tradition!
Because you love words, written or spoken, you enjoy a good lecture, serious discussions, and theological reflection. Prayer for you usually is verbal. You thrive on activity and gatherings of people, such as study groups. Sages on retreat likely would fill every day with planned activities, leaving little time for silence or solitude.

We need Sages for your clear thinking and orderly ways. You pay attention to details that others overlook. Sages make contributions to education, publishing, and theology. You often are the ones who feel a duty to serve, give, care, and share with the rest of us.

On the other hand, sometimes you seem unfeeling, too intellectual, or dry. Can you say "dogmatic"? You may need to experience the freedom of breaking a rule or two every now and then. God's grace covers Sages too, you know!

Famous Sages:

Mr. Spock | Dilbert | Elrond
Dietrich Bonhoeffer | Maya Angelou | Linus (Peanuts)
Yoda (Star Wars) | Andy Griffith | Mr. Miyagi
The Buddha | Rodin's The Thinker | Moses
Ross Geller | Matthew (the Gospel writer) | Tiger Woods

2007-12-20T20:46:00.001-05:00

Create Your Own Video

Belated Pics from my trip to Milwaukee

2007-12-06T23:28:00.000-05:00

I get tired just thinking about it:

Conversations

2007-12-06T23:16:00.000-05:00

E - Mom, I really wish you would get married.

M - Really? Why?

E - I think it would be good for you. It would make you happy.

M - Oh. Gee, thanks. But how would you feel about having another person live with us?

E - Well, if he moved into our house and I could stay in my room that would be best. And the guy could either sleep in the basement (1) or maybe with you.

M - If I got married, I would want to share my room with my new husband.

E - Is it a law that married people have to sleep together?

M - It's not a law, but I think most married people want to sleep together.

E - Yeah, I guess you're right. But mom, what would happen if I wanted to sleep with you? You know, if I was sick or had a bad dream.

M - I don't know. I guess we would have to play it by ear.

E - Mom, I don't want you to get married.

(1)We have a spare bedroom with a private full bath in the basement. It's where our au pairs stayed when we were doing that.

Surprises

2007-11-25T10:20:00.000-05:00

Sometimes you find the best quotes in the most mediocre places. Most recently:

Your life is an occasion; rise to it.

Cox Farms 2008

2007-10-16T22:49:00.003-04:00

256, originally uploaded by luckylady4410.

Cox Farms

2007-10-16T22:49:00.001-04:00

c1, originally uploaded by luckylady4410.

Cox Farms 2007

2007-10-16T22:44:00.001-04:00

228, originally uploaded by luckylady4410.

Lizzie takes a break from the Penny Pit

Cox Farms 2007

2007-10-16T22:42:00.001-04:00

242, originally uploaded by luckylady4410.

Eliazbeth and her new best friends - BFF!

Lizzie at Cox Farms 2008

2007-10-16T22:39:00.001-04:00

229, originally uploaded by luckylady4410.

Elton may be frantic for his glasses, but I think Lizzie is adorable!

Lies, Liers, and the 12 Steps

2007-10-15T11:46:00.000-04:00

A few days ago I was discussing the 12 steps with a few friends. I've "worked the steps" twice. Each time was a bit different - once as a member of Al-Anon and once as a member of an Incest Anonymous group.

Both times, I came to the steps seeing myself as a victim. No one can deny that to some extent I was a victim both times. I really was powerless. There wasn't even a hint of social judgement. No one could even pretend that I alone could make things better - that my life would be great if I just behaved better or if I just stopped doing whatever destructive behaviour you want to name - drinking, drugs, gambling, whatever. I didn't do any of those Anonymous type things.

In Al-Anon, someone could have said, "Just dump the drunken bastard." But that still wasn't the same as saying, "YOU are a drunken bastard - you're choosing to drink that beer and you could stop if you wanted!" No. No one would dare say, "When you were a toddler you enjoyed that sodomy and if you'd only been morally pure enough to stay in your crib where you belonged you wouldn't be in this mess." I was as pure a victim as they come.

As a result, when I got to steps four, five, and six I really stumbled. Why did *I* have to make a searching and fearless moral inventory of myself. Hell, I was the victim here. And what were these supposed wrongs to which I had to admit to in their exact nature before God and another human being? Huh? What in the world were they thinking when they decided I had defects of character? Where they trying to say I deserved to be abused?

For a long time I got hung up on the "deserved to be abused" thread. Of course, that was an issue I was battling long before I met the 12 Steps. Often survivors of trauma (whether it be abuse, natural disaster, war, whatever) automatically assume that it was all their fault. Some how they deserved this terrible fate. If they had a better character it wouldn't have happened to them. So, this played right into that. I was well enough to get angry when someone else said (or implied) I was abused because I deserved but I was not recovered enough to fully and completely believe the absurdity of that move past it.

As I struggled with that - feeling abused by The Steps and knowing that wasn't the intention - I started to have a revelation. It was slow at first, but grew stronger and louder and more clear with time. I started to look at myself really well. When someone is so clearly and unimaginably abused they develop coping mechanisms. It's impossible to survive that situation without them. But here's the funny thing about coping mechanisms: when your not being abused the very things that helped you survive become hurtful. Those thoughts, behaviours, feelings... the very ways you have learned to live your life hurt you. Worse, they hurt those around you. That was an awful realization. I had never abused anyone. I had never overtly hurt someone. But I did have flaws, I had hurt people I cared about, and I needed to make amends.

I've been thinking about my struggle with steps four, five, and six a lot lately. There has been some trouble in my church recently. An individual in our church feels that they have been wounded by us or by some of us or something. The truth of the matter is - I'm very hurt by my friend and the way this person is pointing their finger at us. I don't want people to stay where they feel uncomfortable. So, whenever anyone feels its time to move on from a church I attend, a job we share... whatever it is, I know I will miss them but I hug them good bye and wish them well on their journey. In this case, I feel like I was kicked in the stomach and blamed for the pain.

My friend told lies about me within our little community. My friend told me lies about others in our community. Everyone was upset. Everyone felt hurt. Anxiety and stress and pain were dripping for every pour. People were confused. Nothing seemed to fit. But if our church has one thing... our church has an abundance of love and an amazing desire for healing and wholeness. Everyone came together to try and put the pieces together. We were desperate to restore ourselves and our church.

At the core, we love each other, we really do. The church leadership went to every single person involved and asked, "What have *I* done wrong? How have *I* hurt you? How can *I* make it right?" They took hours and hours to make sure that everyone had a chance to speak their mind and worked hard to resolved the issues presented to them. All involved poured their free time and their love and their prayers into the process of making amends and making it right.

It was funny. A clear picture started to emerge. Over and over again I heard myself say, "Hey I never said that about you!" or "Hey, I never even thought that - let alone said it!" Over and over again I heard others say, "Hey, I never said that about you!" or "Hey, I never even thought that - let alone said it!" People started to come together in healing and prayer and hugging.

But the funny thing was this... there was one person who didn't say, "Hey, I never said that about you." There was one person who could not say, "Hey, I never even thought that - let alone said it!" The more obvious it because that this person could not join us in the chorus of, "Hey, I never said that" the more hurtful the person because towards us. The person lashed out at church members with louder and more ridiculous claims. But like I said, if we have anything it's an abundance of love so we circled around this person. We wanted to heal with this person, to pray, to make things better, and to forgive this person. But the more we loved and the more prayed and the more we tried to make things right - the more angry the person became until they were gone.

Now I hear that we're a bad church because we don't let people speak freely. I hear we don't allow people to disagree and we expect our members to be blind sheep aimlessly following our leadership. When I hear these things, I hand my head in sorrow. I think about my struggles with Steps 4, 5, and 6. I think about how badly abused I was as child and I remember the extreme coping mechanisms I developed to survive my abuse and how dysfunctional those mechanisms were once I was in healthier environments. I don't know... I don't know why people behave the way they. I just wish my friend didn't hurt the people around them... the people I love and that they used to love. I wish my friend didn't hurt so much either.

10 - 20 - 30

2007-10-14T05:04:00.000-04:00

10 years ago - October 1997 - At this point in time my consulting business was going gang busters! Both my partner and I had quit our full-time day jobs and we were totally focused on the business. At any given moment we had about 4 - 5 employees working for us. (That would grow to 15 by the end of the company.) Life was good on the professional side of things. This may sound really odd when you read the next sentence... but my personal life was really good, too. My husband and I were separated. I kicked him out and it was the most freeing, self-empowering things I've ever had the pleasure to enjoy! It was purely sublime. He went to AA and NA and worked faithfully with his docs and a few months later we got back together. THANK-GOD! If that hadn't happened I wouldn't have Elizabeth. Though I could have lived without the other garbage that came with him.

20 years ago - October 1987 - I was a year or two into my career as a c/UNIX programmer. Yes, that's c. It's NOT c++ or Visual c or anything fancy like that. I wrote in good, old fashioned c (and a little assemble - but don't ask me about that today.) Around this time I got to meet Brian Kernighan when I went to a meeting at Bell Labs. Also, I had just gotten my first promotion. Junior Programmers were eligible for a promotion after 24 full months of service. But my project manager went to our management and made the case to promote me at 18 months. My boyfriend / to be husband / to be ex was working for Bear Sterns in NYC. The horrible life of stocks and bonds made everyone unhappy. But somehow we found the time to get engaged.

30 years ago - October 1977 - Six to eight weeks into the school year I was still adjusting to life as a high school freshman. I spent a lot of my spare time sitting in gas lines to keep my parents company while they waited... but by October '77 they were starting to get a little bit shorter. You still had to watch for the red, yellow, and green flags even when there was no line at the pump. I got my first really grown up album - Billy Joel, The Stranger (released Sept. '77.) In the mornings I spent a lot of time (and I mean a LOT) trying to get my fine little hairs to poof out for the perfect Dorothy Hamill Wedge. It didn't work. Maybe I could do it now with some of the super stiff hair products they have now... but in '77 my Wedge was more like a flat bowl cut.

I know we weren't ask for 40 years ago - but for the record in 1967 I started Kindergarten... an event that I was looking forward too!!!

~*~*~*~

All right, This is an experiment started by Mary DeMuth to see how many degrees we can separate (kind of like Kevin Bacon, only it's relevantblog). Even if you're not tagged, don't be crabby, just take up the baton and run with it. Here's what I ask: Have folks post their 10-20-30s, and then link back to the Mother Ship (www.relevantblog.blogspot.com) or write a comment here, saying where you heard about this experiment and sharing where you blog. This isn't to build my empire, it's to find out how far we can expand the blogosphere. After all this talk about blog tours, it got me thinking. How many people can one blog potentially reach?

~*~*~*~

I, Liz, am third or maybe fourth generation.

Things people no longer say (or if they do, they don't know why)

2007-10-13T02:11:00.000-04:00

1) Solid State
2) In living color
3) Crank'er up
4) Long Playing
5) Polaroid
6) Rabbit ears
7) Ice box
8) Cool air conditioning inside
9) Carburator - as in "Your gonna flood it."
10) Pong

2007-10-11T14:18:00.000-04:00

Out and about

2007-10-11T14:13:00.000-04:00

Strange but true...

2007-10-05T10:46:00.000-04:00

Well, I'll be darned. Linda Tripp and I went to the same high school. Althought she graduated when I was in first grade.

2007-09-24T13:59:00.000-04:00

Need a wrap?

2007-09-24T12:10:00.000-04:00

It's fund raiser time... check out the wrapping paper, candy, and other gifts that our PTA is selling. You don't have to live here - they'll ship it to you. If you use this link, Elizabeth will get credit.

So cool

2007-09-16T23:25:00.000-04:00

I found this site tonight... Here's my favorite advertisement . It's so camp and yet so profound. I personally have a Dietzgen 1768-P and a K&E 4081-3 made from pure Ivorite. I even have the leather belt clip for this lifetime possession.

I'm one cool dude. What do you think?

PS

2007-09-16T20:52:00.000-04:00

Elizabeth announced she is a Libertarian.

2007-09-16T20:51:00.000-04:00

Your Vote Score: 55% Republican, 45% Democrat

You are truly an independent voter, and you don't fit well with either party.
Maybe you should choose one issue to vote on - or look into third parties!

Should You Vote Republican or Democrat?

9/11

2007-09-11T11:41:00.000-04:00

2007-09-11T11:25:00.000-04:00

Which Bible Character are you?

You're God. Congratulations on, um... being God.
Take this quiz!

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Join

| Make A Quiz | More Quizzes | Grab Code

Intuiting Civil Rights

2007-09-07T00:59:00.000-04:00

A few months ago Elizabeth and I had a conversation about Denny's Restaurant. I don't really remember how the conversation started... but we ended up talking about the restaurant chain's legal troubles... remember when the Secret Service agents sued Denny's for discrimination? I was telling her about that and an experience that I myself had. Around the same time as, but slightly before the Secret Service incident I worked in a building that was just down the street from a Denny's. My best girl friend and I would often head down their for lunch. We were always able to zip in, get a cheap but decent lunch, zip out and be back at our desks within an hour.

One day we invited another friend to join us - she just happened to be black. When we went in we were led to a table in the very, very back of the restaurant in a section that was clearly labeled "Closed." In fact, we were the only people there. Occasionally the waitress would come over but she always found an excuse to leave before she took our order. Two hours later we left without lunch.

I guess this should have set off alarm bells for me - but the Secret Service agents hadn't been denied service yet so we wrote it off as a bad day for the wait staff. The really telling thing is that the next couple of times I went back with just my white friend we always got the same quick and efficient service we were accustom to. But once the Secret Service story hit the air waves, my girl friend and I looked at each with big, round eyes and mouths agape and we stopped going there for lunch.

So, Elizabeth sat quietly listening to all of this. I didn't tell her that I stopped eating at he restaurant. But after pondering this for a while she said in a very firm, determined, and slightly angry voice, "I have lot of friends that would be hurt by Denny's so I'm never eating there again." The thing that I find truly interesting is that every time we have passed a Denny's since the original proclamation she gets annoyed all over again and reminds me that she will never eat at that restaurant ever again. Not to test her, but I'd be curious what she would say if a non-mom adult suggested going to Denny's - would she be strong enough to stick to her values or would she be intimated into going to Denny's. But either way - she's been "protesting" against injustice for more than six months now.

Do you think non-violent protest is an innate / intuitive skill?

Thinking of you...

2007-09-01T01:32:00.000-04:00

I've been working on a presentation for work. Today I spent some time surfing the net to find a cartoon or two for the presenation. This one has nothing what so ever to do with my presentation, but it really did make me miss my friend....

What else?

2007-09-01T00:53:00.000-04:00

I'm giving up on the fantasy that my life might be without stress. I think there must be some secret comic rule that says, "Liz has to experience stress."

We're supposed to be on vacation. HA! Earlier this month I was in Jersey for a family reunion kinda thing. I enjoyed seeing my family - but it was pretty stressful due in large part to the simple logistics of coordinating a group that size. So, when Elizabeth's dad asked to visit with Elizabeth - the answer was pretty easy and pretty empathic... "NO!" Not that I didn't what them to see each other - it was just that it would have been too insane to drive the 45 minutes north to where he lives, pick him up, take him to whatever events, then drive the 45 minutes north to take him home, and 45 minutes back to the hotel. As a compromise I said I would bring Elizabeth back during our vacation to visit with just him. So, here we are… visiting with dad.

Last night after we took him home, Elizabeth and I were heading back to our hotel - the closest hotel is about 1/2 hour away from where he lives. It was storming - driving rain, thunder, lightening and overall just really nasty. We were on route 80. For those of you near DC - the part of route 80 that we were on makes the belt way look like a county road... This part of route 80 is four and / or five lanes in each direction but it's not too far from the PA boarder so it's kinda rural meaning few lights and a legal 65 MPH speed limit. But it's a also a major truck route from the west into New York City, so at any given time there are two dozen 18-wheelers going about 89 MPH.

We were zipping along. I was trying not to break the speed limit (in NJ all fines are doubled in the 65 MPH zones) without getting run over by an 18-wheeler. All of a sudden, my all of my break lights came on (the service breaks and parking break). This has happened to me before. This is not good. The sudden display of these lights indicates just one thing – I have not breaks. Trying not to hyperventilate I tap my brakes. The tap confirms my worst fear... no breaks.

By some sort of divine intervention I was able to coast to the shoulder and slow to a stop without killing anyone. AAA came, towed me to a Ford dealer near my hotel, and the kind tow truck driver took pity on us and dropped us off at our hotel even though it was against the rules. He just didn't think it was that safe to leave me and Elizabeth at the Ford dealer at 1:30 AM.

I'm ready to take Ford to task... they have left us stranded at the hotel. I have an extended warranty that should provide us with a free rental car - but the local Ford dealer said the contract isn't his problem. He also said he won't be able to even look at my car until Tuesday. I've gone ahead and rented a car - we can't live in a hotel for an undefined amount of time. Elizabeth starts school on Tuesday and besides... the Courtyard by Marriot where we're staying doesn't even have a restaurant.

I plan to go home so Elizabeth can start school. At some point we'll have to do something about my car. But I have to tell you - after losing my breaks five times in 14 months I'm more than a little scared to drive it. I've already called Ford's headquarters to see what they're going to do for me. They took my number and said they'd call me back within two business days. The upshot of all this - I'm taking recommendations for product liability lawyers.

Oh, but that's not all... We went out with Elizabeth’s dad again today after I got my rental car. When we came back to the hotel the door to our room had been left propped open (someone had used the dead bolt to keep the door from closing and locking.) I made the hotel staff go in and clear the room before I entered it myself. And the fact that I'm making this post means that I haven't identified missing valuables. But somehow it does seem like the perfect ending to the second day of our vacation. I'm almost afraid to leave the room at this point. What else will go wrong? Oh man... do you think the hotel is going to catch fire tomorrow?

How do you define exhaustion?

2007-08-15T00:00:00.000-04:00

One Great-grandma with oxygen
Two grandmas
One grandpa
Three adult children
Two spouses of the adult children
Nine Children
1 9-year-old
1 7-year-old
1 6-year-old
1 5-year-old
4 18-month-olds
1 9-month-old

3 days

Gabby

Elizabeth

Abby

Rachel

Ryan

Peter

Isabell

Grace

Hannah

All in the family...

2007-08-14T23:55:00.000-04:00

My cousin Joey is a director. His second full-length feature film hits theaters next month!

A Major Milestone!

2007-08-14T13:15:00.000-04:00

Sister Ray

2007-08-13T00:37:00.001-04:00

The Occasional Perk

2007-07-25T23:53:00.000-04:00

Once in a blue moon my job provides a perk or two - of course, I'm talking about the perks over and above the knowledge that I help to save lives (she says have seriously and half rolling her eyes.) Country isn't my first choice on the radio dial - but I really enjoyed the visit from Pat Green. Heck, I'd even recommend an album or two...

PS I love just about any concert when I can get close enough to the stage to watch the sweat drip down the performers' noses.

2007-07-23T21:08:00.001-04:00

2007-07-18T01:00:00.001-04:00

One Leg Too Few

2007-07-18T00:57:00.003-04:00

2007-07-16T22:50:00.000-04:00

Your dating personality profile:

Big-Hearted - You are a kind and caring person. Your warmth is inviting, and your heart is a wellspring of love.
Religious - Faith matters to you. It is the foundation that you build your life upon. You trust that God has a plan for you.
Stylish - You do not lack for fashion sense. Style matters. You wouldn't want to be seen with someone who doesn't care about his appearance.

Your date match profile:

Shy - You are put off by people who are open books. You are drawn to someone who is a bit more mysterious. You want to draw him out of his shell and get to know what he is all about.
Religious - You seek someone who is grounded in faith and who possesses religious values. You believe that a religious person can enhance your life.
Big-Hearted - You want someone compassionate, someone gentle and kind. A loving, nurturing person will fill that hole in your life.

Your Top Ten Traits

1. Big-Hearted
2. Religious
3. Stylish
4. Wealthy/Ambitious
5. Intellectual
6. Liberal
7. Sensual
8. Adventurous
9. Funny
10. Outgoing

Your Top Ten Match Traits

1. Shy
2. Religious
3. Big-Hearted
4. Practical
5. Intellectual
6. Stylish
7. Conservative
8. Sensual
9. Funny
10. Traditional

Take the Online Dating Profile Quiz at Dating Diversions

So, Elizabeth giggled when she saw that I ranked #3 for fashion. Ah, the honesty of children.

Blaming the Victim

2007-07-06T13:46:00.001-04:00

In college I was forced to read, “Blaming the Victim” by William Ryan. It is a seminal work in the field of sociology and at the time I read it, the book made me angry as hell. The premise of the book is this – there is an entire class of privileged folk, who want to pretend they are focused on fixing society but really don’t want things to change too much. These folks can appease their conscious by finding reasons why the poor are victims. For example, when this book was written it was popular to say that poor black children didn’t do well in school because they came from broken homes – he goes to great length to describe the stereotypical poor family:

“Negro family” has become a shorthand phrase with stereotyped connotations of matriarchy, fatherlessness, and pervasive illegitimacy. Growing up in the “crumbling” Negro family is supposed to account for most of the racial evils in America. Insiders have the word, of course, and know that this phrase is supposed to evoke images of growing up with a long-absent or never-present father (replaced from time to time perhaps by a series of transient lovers) and with bossy women ruling the roost, so that the children are irreparably damaged. This refers particularly to the poor, bewildered male children, whose psyches are fatally wounded and who never, alas, learn the trick of becoming upright, downright, forthright all-America boys.

Ryan says it’s easy to focus on the innate badness of the “Negro family” instead of focusing on what he believes are the real reasons why poor black children don’t do well in school. He sees the problem this way:

In pursuing this logic, no one remembers to ask questions about the collapsing buildings and torn textbooks; the frightened, insensitive teachers; the six additional desks in the room; the blustering, frightened principals; the relentless segregation; the callous administrator; the irrelevant curriculum; the bigoted or cowardly members of the school board; the insulting history book; the stingy taxpayers; the fairy-tail readers; or the self-serving faculty of the local teachers’ college. We are encouraged to confine our attention to the child and to dwell on all his alleged defects.

This book made me angry because it seemed to forget about personal accountability. No one ever said life was going to be fair. Some people have to work harder than others. Some people have more obstacles, handicaps, and difficulties. Get over it. Focus on doing your personal best with the hand you were dealt.

Don’t get me wrong. I do not condone bigoted school board members and insulting text books. Nor to I condone the broad use of stereotypes. But I also know it’s possible to succeed despite your circumstances. I went to grammar school in the sixties. I was bused into a slum neighborhood where I was one of a half dozen white kids in the entire school. Not only did I go to school in the collapsing building with the torn text books – but I was a hated outsider forced to sit through third grade math and learn to spell between beatings and emergency room visits. So I speak from experience when I say you have a choice. Either you keep your head down and do your best or you give up and give in.

I believe that folks who’ve been given more have a moral obligation to help those who’ve been given less. But that doesn’t absolve those with less from doing the best they can with every available resource. For them to do anything less than their best is just as wrong as not sharing when you have surplus.

I bring this up now because I’ve been thinking a lot about the concept of blaming the victim. I don't agree with Ryan's ultimate conclusion, but I do agree blaming the victim is wrong. As a life skill it truly is a vicious and insidious tactic to use against someone. You see it used time and again in abusive situations. When the abuser blames the other person and makes accusations against the person they are abusing it releases the true abuser from being responsible for their actions. They can cry self-defense. They can speak of how they were wounded. They can seek solace and support and maintain their position of power as the center of attention.

When you blame the victim it also makes them appear less worthy of the support and assistance from bystanders. It forces people watching to choose. Of course, people do not want to support the aggressor so blaming the victim serves the duel purpose of increasing the power of the true abuser and weakening the support system of the truly abused. Victim blaming undermines the true victim’s ability to self-protect and thus furthers the goals of the abuser.

You can see numerous examples of this everywhere. How many times have you heard an abusive husband say, “If she only had dinner ready when I got home from work I wouldn’t have had to beat her.” Or what about the infamous, “If she hadn’t worn sexy clothes I wouldn’t have had to rape her.” These examples almost seem absurd because as a society we have recognized them for what they are – groundless excuses to divert attention and shun accountability.

What happens when the claims of the abuser are not so easily detectable? As a supervisor I see it all the time at work. One employee comes in to complain about another. A good victim blamer will know their audience’s hot buttons, so they usually get me good and worked up with their tail of woe. But upon closer investigation, I find out that things are not nearly the way they were originally presented. Luckily, at work events are more clearly documented and prescribed by procedure. So it’s somewhat easier to untangle the whole mess.

Personal relationships are not so easy to dissect. Whenever I hear someone talk about how they’ve been abused and hurt I usually find myself asking – why is this person really sharing this information? I am sometimes skeptical of claims people make about being railroaded, bullied, or emotionally abused. I worry about being used by the abuser to further their ends. But that leaves me with a bit of a catch-22. Does that mean that no one is ever abused? No very much the opposite. Good people are abused and hurt every day. It’s just that they’re often being hurt by the most vocal… those that are shouting about injustices done to them are usually pulling the strings of injustice under the table.

I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about this... my mom is a heck of a good abuser and she cries the loudest when talking about her own suffering. So, from observing my mom and a few other victim blamers during the course of my life I have come up with a few things that I ask myself when I hear a new tale of woe...

* What does this person gain if I believe them?
* Who could be hurt if I believe them?
* Has this person recounted more than one occurrence of the same or similar hurt – in other words, is there a pattern of behavior?
* What has the person done to correct the situation?
* Is there specific evidence that the person really tired to make these corrections?
* And the most important question… Has the person accepted accountability for their own contributions to the situation? And I mean really accepted – not just given it lip service?

I guess it all comes back to personal accountability. Life is not fair. I didn’t like Ryan’s book because he did not demand personal accountability from the folks he saw as disadvantaged. But it doesn’t end there. We have the exact accountability from everyone. It is obscene that people are allowed to use the cloak of victim hood as a shield while they annihilate the people that care about them.

So, do you think???

2007-07-03T11:44:00.000-04:00

From a governmental press release:

The device company ResMed is recalling about 300,000 of the company's S8 flow generators. These devices treat patients with obstructive sleep apnea by providing continuous positive air pressure (CPAP).

The problem is that some of these devices have developed a short circuit in the power supply connector, causing the device to fail. In a few cases, the device overheated. If that happens, there is a possibility that material around the device could catch fire. The company says that there has been no significant property damage or patient injuries to date.

The recall affects all Model S8 devices manufactured between July 2004 and May 15, 2006. To identify these devices, check both the part number and the serial number, which are located on the name plate on the bottom of the device.

ResMed is providing patients with replacement devices. The company says that patients can continue to use their S8 flow generators until they get a replacement, except for those patients who require supplemental oxygen. These patients should not use oxygen with an affected device. Instead, they should immediately contact their home healthcare provider for a replacement.

As with any electrical device, patients should also make sure that their flow generators are placed on a hard clean surface, and that the area around the device is clear during use. They should stop using the device if there are any signs of electrical failure, such as intermittent power, crackling sounds, sparking or a charred smell. For more information contact the ResMed S8 Replacement Call Center at 888-899-8991.

Quick update!

2007-06-13T11:20:00.000-04:00

A couple of things have happened since 4:40 AM this morning.

1) Elizabeth's teacher has offered to have the children re-do Elizabeth's skit in the classroom. They won't have the stage sets, but she said they can do the costumes. OMG, I've got to stop crying at work. This is awful (but now in a kinda good way.) I've looked at my calender and there is no friggin' meeting on there that is more important than this so I just told the teacher to tell me when to show up! I'm thinking I'll bring cupcakes or something to thank the kids and maybe flowers for the wonderful teacher!

2) I talked with my boss. Oh yeah, she was pissed. We're getting into a game of telephone gossip - you know I said, you said, he, she or it said, etc... She said that she was under the impression that I had told / demanded that OGC HAD to demand that the vendor file. You can read my account of what really happened below. I explained that to her and she calmed down - at least towards me. She's still steaming that OGC wants to do something she doesn't agree with... I hope she's really, honestly believing me. Oh well... what can I do if she doesn't???

Really, really bad night...

2007-06-13T03:45:00.000-04:00

My original plan was to title this post with some reference to winning the bad mommy award - but as I've thought about it, I realized this is much deeper than making light of a screw up. Today - particularly this evening - has been down right awful. Some might even say f**ked-up.

It started a couple of days ago. There are a lot of story lines that come here, so I hope I can explain everything without causing mass confusion. But if you do find this hard to follow - please be patient with me. My mind is racing... I'm going to try to pull this apart as best I can.

As you may know, this is the last full week of school for Elizabeth. There are all kinds of activities. Tonight the first grade put on a play for the parents. It was in the auditorium with costumes and mics and lights and set design, and everything. They put on a series of Aesop's Fables. Elizabeth was the narrator for the Boy who Cried Wolf. Her skit lasted about 8 - 10 minutes, but she had the most lines in the skit. She spoke almost the entire time. She needed to be at the theater at 6PM to put on costumes, set up, and stuff like that. The actual play started at 6:30.

A couple of days ago the VP of IT sent an email to my boss. The two VPs had a meeting scheduled and the IT-lady insisted that I attend the meeting as well. This was kind of an honor that the IT-lady considered my opinion valuable enough that she wanted me there in addition to my boss. Aside from the pat on the back, there were also some political reasons why I needed to attend this meeting when summoned.

But here's the problem... this meeting was already scheduled for 5 - 6 PM this evening. I had it pretty much worked out - the SACC lady can only "release" Elizabeth to an "approved" adult. So, I talked with Elizabeth's teacher and she was willing to be the official person to pick up Elizabeth. But she was going to be swamped with set-up so the SACC lady agreed to take Elizabeth to gym. I even brought in a frozen dinner so Elizabeth could have something before the play. I figured that if I left by 6:05 - based on past experience - I could reasonably be at the play in time for the 6:30 curtain. Things seem OK - right?

So, here's the other story... I'm supporting a contract negotiation. The contract is being negotiated by outside counsel, but our OGC (office of general council) is also involved. For the last couple of weeks I've been at the beck and call of the outside counsel.

There is this one particular thing we want the vendor to do. We'll call this thing "file." There is a regulation that instructs some firms to file. File isn't exactly what the regulation talks about, but I'm being purposefully vague so don't worry about. All you need to know is that we are currently "filed." A few months ago - actually many months ago I raised a concern... should our vendor file, too. A group of us went round and round on this question. The group was made up of my boss, another VP, and some other folks. The problem is in the wording of the regulation. There is nothing that is specifically on point for our current situation. But after lots of meetings, gnashing of teeth, and spirited debate the team decided that the vendor had to file. Right after that, I communicated this to the vendor.

On Monday the vendor's lawyer pushed back. They don't want to file. They don't think they need to file. Yesterday I confidently defended the position that the vendor had to file. But the vendor was still unhappy so they pushed back to my boss. My boss immediately turned around and said - "Oh no, they don't need to file. There is no good reason for it." But, the outside counsel had heard my arguments on Monday and he was uncomfortable that he as getting two opinions on two different days - especially since I had already said my boss had been part of the decision making team. (And I won't even talk about how under cut I personally felt at being contradicted in this curcumsance.)

The uncomfortable lawyer decided to call OGC. The OGC lawyer asked one of the other guys who was on the original team for more clarification. But that guy was not a computer guy. He specializes in the regulations for another part of the business. He had heard that my boss changed her mind but he didn't understand the underlying reasons. So when asked by OGC, he basically said the reason was, "because she said so." Being a rational thinker, OGC was not happy with this answer so she called me.

She had no history on the subject - she just knew that we had asked the vendor to do this, they didn't want to do it, and my boss said OK. So I gave her the whole history. I laid it all out for her. I told her that my boss didn't think they needed to file and I clearly explained why. The she pulled out the regulation and we walked through the regulation word by word. We used the glossary section to understand how the feds were using certain terms. We went through the same process that the original team did a couple of months ago. I tried my best to be impartial and to not unduly sway the conversation - but OGC came to the same conclusion - they have to file. So she said she would follow-up with outside counsel.

So fast forward to my 5PM meeting. It was a mess. There was a location miscommunication. The meeting was actually in a building two blocks from the building where my boss and I were waiting for the meeting to occur. When we figured out the screw-up, it was already late and the IT-lady said we could have the meeting as a conference call. But my boss said it had to be face to face. So by the time we got to the real meeting place it was after 5:30. I said I had a hard stop - that I had to leave. But the meeting didn't go as planned and I didn't get out until 6:15 and it was raining and there was an accident on a road near mine, so traffic backed up on my road... I didn't get to the school until 6:50 and Elizabeth's play was over.

I MISSED THE WHOLE THING! (I'm sure you saw that coming from a mile away.)

As I was running in I saw a girl from Elizabeh's class and I asked if the Boy who Cried Wolf had gone. Before she could say "yes." I had burst into hysterical tears. I went into the theater. Elizabeth was supposed to sit with her class, but I called her over and just hugged her and cried and apologized. She didn't seem that upset... but that's just not the kind of mom I want to be - and hell I'm crying again.

But Elizabeth kept saying it was OK and she said I would enjoy the other fables so she wanted me to find a chair to watch then she went back to sit with her class. I found a chair, but I don't remember a single fable. I was crying so hard I'm pretty sure the people next to me also have no clue what the other fables were. After the play I cried when Elizabeth's teacher asked me if I got there on time and I wailed when one of the mother's came over to tell Elizabeth how fantastic she was. It was quite a spectacle. Finally I pulled myself together and told Elizabeth I would take her out for a desert.

Elizabeth is a pretty sharp cookie - as soon as I said I would take her out for desert she said, "Well, I think we should stop at Toys R Us so you can buy me a toy, too." Toys R Us is kinda far away so we settled on a toy from CVS. In addition to her desert (choc. chip cookies) and toy she also got a Sprite, french fries, a candy bar, cotton candy, and I feel like I'm forgetting something... Clearly she has my number - no wonder she wasn't upset I missed the performance.

But my story isn't over... as we were getting desert I got an email from my boss. She is majorly pissed at me. Through one channel or another she has learned about my conversation with OGC. Her email is fairly short and terse - her feelings come through loud and clear. She thinks I did an end-run on her and stabbed her in the back. She wants me to call her early in the morning she we can "talk" about this.

I am beside myself. I'm sure it's a timing thing. I'm sure if I weren't already a basket case because I missed the play I would be able to handle her email with more aplomb, but I did and I can't. Here it is 4:40 AM and sleep is no where near my little head. You know, if anyone should be pissed - I'm the one who was made to look like a fool after having been assured that we were all in agreement. I didn't call anyone - they have hunted me down. I haven't done anything wrong - but I'm surely going to get screwed. If not this morning, it's coming. I don't know when and I don't why... I just know it is.

Bug or Enhancement?

2007-06-09T09:21:00.000-04:00

Here is a question for you: If you have a report - it can be a report about anything. Where there are enough records for the report to have multiple pages everything is fine - headers and footers are correct, page numbering is correct, there are exactly the number of pages required to show the data, etc. However, if there is only enough data for one page, then the report always prints two pages. The headers and footers are correct. The page number on page one says 1 of 2 and he page number on the second page says 2 of 2; but page two is completely blank except for the header and the footer information. Get the picture?

So let's say you want to change the report so that only one page prints when there is just enough data for the first page. Would you call this request to change the report enhancement request or a bug report?

I've been asking this question to several people. Here are the answers I've received:

A senior director of quality (that's not me) said a bug.
A software engineer / developer said a bug.
An administrative assistant with no IT background said a bug.
A naturalist said a bug.
A licenced, practicing MSW with no IT background said a bug.
A seven year old said a bug.
I say a bug.

It seems we have a consensus building around a bug. Right? Wrong!

I spent more than an hour arguing this point with a group of approximately 24 senior software quality engineers and their managers. Here is their rational... There is no requirement that explicitly states the report shall have just enough pages to print the data required on the report. Therefore, the second page of the report is a feature and changing that feature is an enhancement request.

My counter argument is that there is no requirement that the report be exactly two pages. There IS a requirement that report be CORRECT. The blank second page adds no value, is confusing because the user may be expecting data on the page, if you purchased any commercial software package that printed extra pages you would automatically assume the software was defective. Therefore, there is an implied requirement stemming from the "shall be correct" requirement that there will not be extra pages and therefore this is a bug.

I finally gave up... they agreed to make sure the report printed the way I wanted it printed but they never really understood why. The darned thing is still being called an enhancement. At this point, all I care about is having the report print correctly.

As an aside, I discovered another scary little fact. Here is another test for you... If you have a requirement that a field could only contain certain numbers - for example let's say the only valid values for this field were 1 through 10. How would you validate that this field were working correctly?

If I were writing the test cases I would check the following values: 0, 1, 2, 9, 10, and 11. It is commonly know in the software industry that in this type of situation the boundaries are the most areas where mistakes occur. I would test 0 and 11 to ensure the appropriate error messages are displayed. The other values I would test to ensure they were accepted as required.

During my little report discussion I discovered that the senior software engineers in question do not test 0 and 11 because there is no requirement for 0 and 11. The requirement is 1 - 10 so they do not see the value in testing 0 and 11.

If this weren't my life I wouldn't believe me!

2007-06-01T23:29:00.001-04:00

Read my VisualDNA™ Get your own VisualDNA™

Been feeling really blue...

2007-05-31T00:04:00.000-04:00

So, this weekend we went to see Elizabeth's dad. She had a great time so it was worth it. But it was kind of ironic that out of 52 weekends in any given year, she picked this weekend to ask to see her dad. She would, of course, pick the weekend of our wedding anniversary. We would have been married 18 years (and we were together more than six years before that.)

I don't regret the divorce - it's one of the few really sane things I've done in my life. But when I look at the wedding pictures (I saved them for Elizabeth - they're a part of her history) I regret the lost potential and the loss of innocence and freshness. In those days it felt like anything was possible. Now... well, I won't tell you what I've been thinking lately as it's surely colored by my love for my current job and other unrelated current life events.

The other thing that makes me sad is the loss of loved ones. When I think about my wedding I realize that a lot of really important people are gone. There weren't that many good people in my life and they're pretty much all gone.

Other stuff I like...

2007-05-29T22:25:00.001-04:00

Day with Dad

2007-05-29T22:11:00.000-04:00

On Tuesday Elizabeth announced she wanted to visit her daddy. Since it was a long weekend, it seemed like a good time to go for a road trip...

You can find the rest of the pictures with daddy and my brother's family on Flickr.

2007-05-21T19:27:00.001-04:00

You scored as Leia Organa. A princess who uses her political powers to help the rebel alliance. You are calm and cool no matter the situation and always willing to fight for your beliefs. Now if only you could get those cinnamon buns off your head.

Leia Organa

100%

Yoda

88%

Obi-Wan Kenobi

75%

Han Solo

69%

Palpatine

69%

Boba Fett

69%

Anakin Skywalker/Darth Vader

69%

Luke Skywalker

63%

Padme Amidala

50%

Darth Maul

38%

Which Star Wars character would you be? (pics)
created with QuizFarm.com

How old are you?

2007-04-16T13:20:00.000-04:00

How Old is Your Inner Child?

My inner child is ten years old!

The adult world is pretty irrelevant to me. Whether I'm off on my bicycle (or pony) exploring, lost in a good book, or giggling with my best friend, I live in a world apart, one full of adventure and wonder and other stuff adults don't understand.
Take this quiz!

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Vegetables of the Spirit

2007-04-09T15:41:00.000-04:00

Lately every time Elizabeth picks up an edible plant she asks me if it's a fruit or a vegetable. For most common plants I just know the popular determination of fruit vs. vegetable:

apple == fruit
celery == vegetable
orange == fruit
cauliflower == vegetable
watermelon == fruit
tomato == fruit (did I catch you with that one?)

So the follow-up questions always sends chills up my spine: What made it a fruit? Why is that a vegetable? What is the difference between a fruit and a vegetable? For several weeks I stumbled and mumbled my way through some bogus, nearly right explanation. Today I finally decided to look it up for real. I was tired of feeling foolish. I went to the handy-dandy Wikipedia and within in a matter of second I had an answer...

A fruit is the ripened ovary—together with seeds—of a flowering plant. In many species, the fruit incorporates the ripened ovary and surrounding tissues. Fruits are the means by which flowering plants disseminate seeds. Fruits are the part of the plant that is intended to reproduce.

Vegetable is a culinary term which generally refers to an edible part of a plant. The definition is traditional rather than scientific and is somewhat arbitrary and subjective. All parts of herbaceous plants eaten as food by humans, whole or in part, are normally considered vegetables. The meaning of "plant grown for food" was not established until the 18th century.

Botanically, fruits are reproductive organs (ripened ovaries containing one or many seeds), while vegetables are vegetative organs which sustain the plant.

My church spent most of Lent talking about the Fruit of the Spirit, so upon reading this definition, I had a fairly quick "ah-ha" moment. In may seem kind of silly, but one of the first things I thought was, "So that's why the Bible never talks about vegetables... they didn't have a name back then." But as the day wore on, I started to think about this more and more...

Galatians 5:22 - 23 tells us the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Many of these fruits seem like they're gifts to bearer - after all, don't we all like to feel love, joy, and peace. Doesn't it make us feel good when we're patient and kind to others and when they're patient and kind with us? These are all things that are pleasing for us. So like the sweet, juicy bite of an apple, the experience of the fruits of the Spirit could easily be enough of an ends. That would be enough of a reason for these things to exist.

But the pleasure of eating an apple isn't really the reason the apple exists. An apple exists to allow the apple tree to procreate - to make more apple trees - to expand the size and density of the apple grove. And get this, we can savor the lovely flesh of the apple, ingest all of it nutrients, and then plant the seeds in the ground allowing the apple to fulfill its destiny of procreation. Mixing metaphors, we can have the cake and eat it, too.

So, why does the Spirit produce the fruits love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control? Aren't these all things we covet? These are things that make our lives better. If we bathe ourselves in the Spirit and live a life of gentleness and goodness - it brings us pleasure. Peace, love, and faithfulness make us feel content and safe. Who would turn their back on true joy? Self-control gives us the ability to order our lives and to seek the things we really want. It also breeds a sense of safety because you can trust yourself and those around you - behavior will be predictable. The fruits of the Spirit are all things that we can savor in the here and now. Like the sweetness of the apple, they give us pleasure.

But interestingly, that really isn't their ultimate destiny is it? Their real purpose is to grow the Kingdom of God. They make the experience of the Kingdom thicker and lusher for those of us that are currently seeking it. They also attract new people to the Kingdom. Doesn't everyone want love and joy, kindness and goodness? The gifts attract people to the Spirit by allowing them to experience the Kingdom through the acts of those bearing the fruit. If you experience enough love and patience; wouldn't you want to find out more about its source? It also attracts the curious asking how they can have this, too. So the Fruits of the Spirit really are about procreation of the Kingdom of God.

But that leads me to the question - do we need vegetables of the Spirit? Vegetables are vegetative organs which sustain the plant. Does the Church need spiritual vegetables to sustain itself? I think it does - in fact, I think the church already has vegetables of the Spirit - we just don't call them by that name. I purpose the Vegetables of the Spirit are prayer, study, common experience, and leadership. There may be more, and I reserve the right to append to the list, but let's look at what we've got.

Prayer is the mechanism by which we talk to God. Prayer allows us to commune with Him. It is a direct and personal experience of God. We can debate about if / how / when God answers prayer. But regardless of the theoretical debates about how it words, when you get right down to it, prayer is an event that fills us, nourishes us, and allows us to continue on our path with God.

In this context, I'm using the word study fairly loosely. It could be Bible Study; it could be theoretical theological exploits, or a group of people talking about their personal experiences of God, God's word, God's love, whatever. In other words, it's a place and time to learn about God and our faith; to expand our understanding and appreciation for its greatness.

Common experience allows us to form bonds and relationships. It is through these experiences and relationships that we allow each other to experience both the fruits and the vegetables of the Spirit. As we grow closer to each other, take care of each other, and love each other we nourish both ourselves and those with whom we share the experience.

Leadership has been getting a bad rap lately. Some folks see leadership as oppressive, harsh, and overbearing. Truthfully, it can be. But isn't it also true that all good things can be misused and misguided. Just because someone has had a bad experience with leadership doesn't make leadership inherently bad. Good leadership is about vision. It's about embracing the common path and enabling the individual members and the group as a whole to reach their full potential and their desired destination. It is human nature to need leadership. Without it we flounder and get lost. We become distracted and lose our way. Leadership is not about the leader. Good leadership is about the health of the group. A good leader enables an environment where each person can choose to grow and allow themselves to be nourished.

Just like the USDA food pyramid teaches us, a healthy church needs to get enough of their fruits and vegetables on a daily basis to maintain health.

Sharing

2007-04-04T08:41:00.000-04:00

I already sent out some spam email on this topic, but I thought I'd make sure I didn't miss anyone. Country Crock (you know the margarine people) have pledged to donate a meal to America's Second Harvest if you share a story about sharing. It can be a time when you were doing the sharing or a time when someone shared with you. All you have to do is go their web site and tell'em your story. They will donate up to one million meals. So, what are you waiting for... I know there are more than a million stories of sharing among my friends. So… go tell a story of sharing.

I found my next job!

2007-03-31T18:38:00.000-04:00

Title: Office Jester

Description

The Motley Fool seeks an outgoing, multi-talented Fool to be our full-time Office Jester. That's right; we work hard and have fun too. We couldn’t be the Motley Fool without our own Jester, after all. The ideal individual will embrace our core value of Joyful Optimism, bringing humor, entertainment, and amusement to all employees and visitors of Fool Global HQ. This is not a new position but it offers great flexibility in execution.

Primary Responsibilities/Objectives:
* Roam office entertaining employees
* Plan and execute parties and happy hours
* Participate in all company meetings and gatherings as an interstitial speaker
* Identify struggling or overworked Fools or Teams and brighten their day * Function as office DJ, managing/programming the office sound system. Manage musical requests efficiently, while keeping the office bumping.
* Order pizza for Pizza Day
* Repair damaged jester caps
* Construct complex balloon animals
* Care and feeding of the office monkey, Dr. Zaius
* Ride in Foolmobile as body double decoy for Gardner brothers
* Piggyback carry the winner of The Motley Fool Stock Picking Contest in St. Patrick’s Day Parade

RequirementsCore Competencies:
* Current on all reality TV
* Pop Culture expert, able to postulate about Season 3 of Lost
* Always at the ready with a quip or comeback.
* Equally comfortable in a jester cap and bear suit
* MS Excel
* Proven game room skills as a formidable adversary in Halo, Ms. Pacman and Bubble Hockey; ability to convincingly let management win on occasion.
* Juggle chainsaws, bowling balls, and one item of your choosing
* Have >50 answers to knock-knock jokes, at least half of which must be funny
* Must have authored at least one viral video of moderate fame.
* Can tap a keg on the first try
* Extra napkins and utensils at the ready for Fools eating at their desks
* Can chug beer, shotgun beer, guzzle beer, snort beer, play beer pong, flip cup, 3 man, do beer bongs, beer cheers, keg stands, and bluegills with the best of them Preferred Qualities:
* Friends would tell you that you are “seriously funny!” but they are laughing so hard they can’t breathe
* Tall or short but we prefer that you not be of average height, as it’s not as funny
* Crazy hair
* Annoying and easily recognizable laugh
* Friends with at least one B list celebrity. (No reality contestants)
* Experience in three of the following: Stand up, Street mime, rally racing, horticulture, pottery, rapping, paragliding, cattle ranching, roller skiing, ballet, actual break dancing/popping, ice fishing, chess
* Blood type AB (or equivalent)
* Ability to type 90 words a minute, replacing all vowels with various forms of smileys

Education:
* Clown college, Improv school, School of the Americas, Brown, or equivalent experience

Crashing...

2007-03-24T00:53:00.000-04:00

I do not feel safe in the world. There are some very sad things happening at my church. There are a lot of hurt feelings and sadness among the people there right now. So that is very unsettling. But there are also some very bad things happening in another part of my life. Unfortunately, because of the public nature of the Internet I can not be very specific but if you ask me privately, I will be glad to give you all of the gory details.

It's really hard to explain something without talking about - but I've never backed away from a challenge before. So let's give it a whirl. Two things happened this week. In some ways, they are very different events. In other ways, they are very similar. Both have very real and very difficult consequences for people I know. Some of the those people I actually admire and have respect for. It is very unsettling to see bad things happen to good people.

The first event could take about a year to play out. It's an odd mix of a challenging and exciting project with a terrible goal. Many years ago, I was traveling on business. The weather was horrible - dark, mean skies, thunder, lightening, wind, driving rain. My plane had already been delayed several times. Finally they decided to try and take off. Needless to say it was a very bumpy getting into the air and being at cursing altitude did not help. I kept myself calm by pretending I was on a roller coaster ride at an amusement park. I tried to enjoy being tossed around in the sky. It was really a bastardization of a technique from cognitive therapy, but it was working. I kept telling myself this was just an amusement ride. But then I went a little too far... I started thinking about the engineers and maintenance people who kept the ride in good working order. I thought about all the safety features that are designed into rides to keep the riders safe. All of a sudden my mind snapped to reality with the thought... "Hey this isn't a ride and there is no big, bouncy safety below." Immediately I was over come with fear and panic. I almost fainted I could feel the blood draining from my head that quickly.

That's what the first event from this week is like. If I can focus on the project part of it - it could be great fun. There is a lot of strategy - like a chess game. There is a lot I can learn .professionally. This is the stuff of upper level management. I'm not sure how I got a seat at the table, but I'm there and when I just focus on the work at hand it can be an exciting, heady experience. The problem is when I think about what we're doing. It's kinda like being the architect who designed Auschwitz

The second event is a lot less grand, much more immediate, and even more disturbing. My faith in goodness has been completely shattered. For months (heck it's going on years now)I have talked about suspicions I've had. In many cases I've presented these suspicions as firm beliefs because on the one hand the facts seemed to support that. Heck, there was even a Wall Street Journal article that discussed this issue. But, deep down inside I didn't quite believe it. After all, maybe I was misreading the events I was personally involved with. Maybe my performance really was lacking. Maybe I was fooling myself. And you know how the press is... you can't believe half of what you read. So maybe it was convenient timing that the newspaper article appeared at the same time I had these suspicions.

But this week, there was an event that proved to me without a doubt that my darkest and worst fears were true. All the things that I had dismissed as paranoia and ego self-protection were true and not just a convenient stringing together of coincidence.

My faith in humanity has been completely shattered.

what Star Trek character are you most like?

2007-03-17T09:53:00.000-04:00

Doctor McCoy

you are a bit irrational, but you could also say your the most human of the threesome of you, Mr. Spock, and Captain Kirk. You are the best doctor, and always add some humor to difficult situations.

Quiz by TheQuizzery.com

Which Classic Heroine are You?

2007-03-17T09:44:00.000-04:00

Jo March

Josephine March, from Little Women, is a tomboy who loves writing, acting, and her family. She dreams of seeing the world and publishing her book.

Which Classic Heroine are You?

C'mon get happy - I've found my true calling

2007-03-07T23:31:00.000-05:00

Hello, world, here's the song that I'm singin' - As I mentioned a few days(?) ago, Elizabeth is in love... She is totally obsessed with Nat Wolf from the Naked Brothers Band. Tonight, as we were watching TV, the newer Sprite commercial came on. In case you haven't heard it - David Cassidy as a Partridge is singing the background vocals. Casually I mentioned that the singer was "my Nat." Elizabeth found this amusing and asked to see a picture of David.

In case you're wondering, Elizabeth said, "He's kinda cute, but there's only ONE Nat and he's not nearly as hot as Nat." That statement gave me a bit of a startle, but that's another blog post. As I said, I've found my true calling.

I bet you're wondering what Mr. Cassidy has to do with my calling... Well, tonight, in a moment of pure enlightenment I realized I was being called to the priesthood. Yes, in a matter of a few days and for the measly cost of $100 I can become a priest in The Partridge Family Temple. I'm NOT kidding. I can do this!

The Partridge Family Temple is a religion that is sweeping the universe. Believers accept the characters of the television show the Partridge Family as archetypes who must be incorporated into their personalities. The Temple also worships television as the most powerful force in the universe. How true is that? I mean my life has always been built on the belief that TV and more specifically Keith Partridge is the center of the universe.

You know, some people think this is a joke. They don't take this religion seriously. But I can tell this is truth of all truths. This is the meaning of life. I know, this might seem like a new and radical concept to many people. This truth might challenge you and it might even fall outside your realm of understanding, but believe me -- it makes total sense.

You might be asking yourself why the Partridge Family. What about the Brady Bunch or The Jefferson's. But the answer is simple - while all shows are holy and sacred, the Partridge Family is the most pure example of the mix between Television, Reality, and Spirituality. The Brady Bunch and The Jefferson's are great shows. But they are only shows.

OK, basically the followers of The Partridge Family Temple believe that each of the members of the Partridge Family is a god or goddess. They also believe the each element of the show has archetypal symbolic significance. For example, Shirley is The Mother Earth Virgin Goddess and Keith is The Male Sex God. Laurie is The Whore of Babylon. Danny is The Trickster God, Chris is The Cosmic Drummer, and Tracy is The Virgin Nymph And the bus (yes, even the bus has an important role) the bus is The Spiritual Chariot.

I don't know what this means in terms of my current church. I'll have to find out if I can be a Partridge Family Temple Priest and continue to associate with my less psychedelic friends. There is still a lot to work out - after all, I've just experienced this Epiphany a few hours ago. I just had to share the good new with you. Really, I think I know how Paul felt on the road to Damascus. Except, I've found the one groovy path to true enlightenment and spiritual truth.

Dig it!

Hum. When did that happen?

2007-02-12T12:47:00.000-05:00

Elizabeth has been sick for the last several days. This meant that we got to spend a lot more time together. It was kinda nice... except for the fact she felt miserable.

So we were talking about some of the girls in her class. She was telling me the strong points and weaknesses of each girl Then she got to Ghada (no, not our cat - a pseudonym.) Elizabeth tells me that Ghada is always pretending she's sick. And she always pretends it a big scary sickness - like a heart attack. Elizabeth goes on to say that she feels bad for Ghada. Ghada wants to be very popular, so Elizabeth thinks the little girl is faking these sicknesses so others will pay attention to her. Elizabeth couldn't decide if she should feel sorry for her and be angry at her for not telling the truth.

Now, I was pretty darned impressed that she figured out the girl needed attention and was using her fact sicknesses to get it. But THEN we had the following exchange:

M: Well, you shouldn't be too upset with Ghada. We all have fantasies that we accidentally let become too real sometimes. I know you've told a couple of good fantasies.
L: (laughing) Yeah, I guess I have.
M: Besides, she seems lonely. And we all want to be popular.
L: Oh no! Not me. I don't want to be popular.
M: (Shocked that my own daughter was disparaging my life-long dream to be the popular girl.) Why?
L: Well, when you're popular all the kids want to be with you even if they don't like you. And you have to spend a lot of time with all of those kids. Then you can't spend enough time with your real friends. I just want to have real friends.

Um. Gee. I'm wondering if she still needs me or what. When did my little baby grow up to be a wise, insightful, and darned cool person! I wish I had a friend like her when I was growing up.

Let's Get Naked.... not really

2007-02-07T13:48:00.000-05:00

There's a new show on Nick. I was prepared to really hate it... But I was truly shocked by The Naked Brothers Band. There were some Hard Day's Night influences, but it was basically Spinal Tap for kids... really smart kids! And with guest stars like Uma Thurman, Tony Shalhoub, Julianne Moore, Arsenio Hall, Cyndi Lauper, Ann Curry, Ricky Lake, Timothy Busfield, Mel Harris, Peter Horton, Melanie Mayron, Ken Olin, Patricia Wettig, Nancy Wilson, and Cindy Blackman... really well connected kids. But I guess that's what happens when your mom is Polly Draper and decides to produce an independent movie for you. But I'm not that bitter - they say the nine-year-old wrote all the songs. Now that's darned impressive. So... even if you don't have kids, let's get naked!

Oh Sweet Satisfaction!

2007-02-01T22:49:00.000-05:00

I've been having car trouble. I've been having the worst kind of car trouble. Intermittent, random, unreproducible car trouble.

I've been having trouble with my breaks and with my curse control. The breaks randomly don't work and the curse control randomly turns itself on and accelerates the car. Luckily the two events have never occurred together, but once when I was inching along in 5 MPH traffic, bumper to bumper with every other commuter in northern Virgina, my car tried to accelerate into the bumper of the car in front of me.

So every time I have one of these events I take my car to the dealership, get my trusty rent-a-smoky-piece-of-crap and sputter around town for a couple of days. Then the dealer calls me, tells me they rebooted the on-board computer system, and that the problem will never happen again. (Was that evil maniacal laughing I heard in the background?)

In fact, the last time I took it in they had me talk to the mechanic for almost hour so he could assure me and reassure me that the problems were all in my head. Really, the breaks don't give out. And how could the curse control turn it's self on? Really, let's be serious. Ha! We all know how this ends... a couple of days later I'm picking up another rent-a-smoky-piece-of-crap.

And in fact, this week I've been driving around in my little tin can and wondering when my dealer was going to call to tell me they rebooted the on-board computer system. (By the way, as an IT QA person and former software developer; I know that rebooting the system doesn't really fix anything. It just cleans up any memory leaks and resets all the varibles and wipes out any other little sins until they can creep back in as the system is being used.) Today my phone rings and low and behold it's my handy-dandy service manager.

"Um, well, ah, I'm just calling to let you know we haven't forgotten about you."
"Really."
"Yeah, well, we've been driving your car around and, you know, we just couldn't make the problem happen."
"Really?" I could tell by the tone of his voice something was up.
"Well, see, last night the mechanic took your car home so he could drive it around some more."
"He did? Really?"
"Um, yeah, and well, this morning he almost didn't make it into work."
"Oh, what happened?"
"Well, there were no breaks. It wouldn't stop."

HA! There are very few moments in life when someone can feel the deep sense of satisfaction to which I was treated today. (Now if they could just fix the darned thing!)

Good News

2007-01-11T21:25:00.000-05:00

I have some good news to share. It really has no direct impact on my life, but I found this information so moving that I had to share. You see, I'm at this convention / training / professional something or other. In case you don't know, I'm in a quasi-medical profession. Actually, I personally am an IT person. But it's medical software.

Most of the people at this event are hardcore medical folks - doctors, nurses, med-techs, and other medically licenced professionals. I really am the odd man out. I have to learn as much as I can about the medical stuff to make sure the software works right. For most of the sessions I get to sit through wonderful lectures on plasma fractionation, risks of xenotransplantation, leukocyte reduction, alloimmunization to HLA, and mesenchymal stem cells. I'm sure you can imagine just how enthralling these sessions are. And being an IT person - I just hang on every word with anticipation. Anticipation for the break, that is.

Today we had a session that was different from the rest... it was about the practical applications of all of the other stuff we've heard about. We had a Lieutenant Colonel speak to us about advances in medicine in combat situations. He practices medicine in theater. He was speaking about his own experiences. I gotta tell you, there were a lot of very gory pictures. I wasn't prepared for some of these pictures. I've seen some pretty horrible tings in real life - I saw a decapitated body and the body of a person who was dragged by a car going 65 miles per hour on an interstate. But these live - up close and personal events were nothing compared to the pictures we saw today.

But the LTC had some good news in the midst of this horror. You see, because of the extreme advances in medical care - the percentage of personnel killed in action has been cut in half! Isn't that good news. During World War II 23.7% of all casualties were killed in action. During the Vietnam War it was still 21.3%. In Iraq and Afghanistan the percentage of casualties killed in action is 12.5%.

Now, don't get me wrong... 12.5% is still too high. I don't want to lose a single person. But think about it like this... all of the injured we saw today survived their wounds. Every single one of them made it to a Level 4 Definitive Care Facility. Every single one of them! The LTC... the doctor... the man... was visibly moved as he spoke. It was a great moment.

Five things you don't know about me...

2006-12-26T15:10:00.000-05:00

My so-called friend tagged me. Without further ado, here are five things you don't know about me:

1) I played Harvey in an amateur production of Harvey.
2) Drama Desk award winner and Keen Company founder and current Artistic Director Carl Forsman said I was the best Sunday School teacher he ever had.
3) My first piano recital piece was called "Water Sprites"
4) I went to the same church as Jazz great Andrew Hill
5) I asked Andrew Hill to be my piano teacher. Unfortunately he doesn't teach and he recommended I go to The New School.

Let's see, who should I tag now? I think it will be... Israel, Kate, PeggyKay, Ross, and Maggie

Holding Steady...

2006-12-22T23:39:00.000-05:00

60th Wedding Anniversary Party (April 1999), originally uploaded by luckylady4410.

Several weeks ago, I wrote a post about my grandma. She had spent the last year battling cancer. She came through the chemo and was told the cancer was gone. My mom and grandma took a road trip so my grandma could meet all of her great-grandchildren.

A few days after getting back home, my grandma started to get sick. She got so sick my mom took her to the hospital where they discovered she had pneumonia. Many tense weeks followed. But finally she was released to a pulmonary rehab center and then she was released to go home.

Not three days later she was having trouble breathing and had periods when she wasn't totally lucid. My mom took her back to the hospital were they put my grandma on a vent - her blood oxygen levels were not compatible with life.

After a couple of days on the vent, my grandma convinced the doctors she was of sound mind and that it was reasonable to respect her wish to be taken off the respirator.

Today the acted on her wishes. She is breathing on her own, but her blood oxygen levels are hovering around 75%. The doctors are unsure what will happen next. But for now, she seems to be holding steady...

A Winter Tree

2006-12-17T22:47:00.000-05:00

tree, originally uploaded by luckylady4410.

Caught my eye...

2006-12-17T22:46:00.000-05:00

pole, originally uploaded by luckylady4410.

I saw this at the Christmas Party last night.

Christmas Party Pics...

2006-12-17T22:43:00.000-05:00

very close, originally uploaded by luckylady4410.

Well, these aren't the ususal pics from a party, but they're ones I like.

And now for something completely different

2006-11-26T09:46:00.000-05:00

I have posted some pictures on Flickr, but they're not exactly what you've come to expect from me. Elizabeth is virtually absent from these photos. Take a look. Let me know what you think. But I will warn you... I am at war with the obvious.

At home with insanity
The other half
Driving around

How to give yourself a heart attack in 8 easy steps

2006-11-25T11:06:00.000-05:00

1) Take daughter and niece to see Disney's Princess Wishes on Ice.
2) Buy daughter and niece an over-priced toy with lots of flashing lights in the lobby of Disney's Princess Wishes on Ice.
3) Let daughter and niece each eat a whole bag of cotton candy purchased from the barker at Disney's Princess Wishes on Ice.
4) Drive home from Disney's Princess Wishes on Ice after dark.
5) When driving home from Disney's Princess Wishes on Ice, allow daughter and niece to sleep off their crash from the sugar high in the back seat of the car.
6) Start to really enjoy and become absorbed in listening to adult-interest music on the CD player without interruption from daughter or niece.
7) Wait for either daughter or niece to ever so silently wake up from the sugar induced coma and put on her Disney's Princess Wishes on Ice crown with the flashing lights.
8) See flashing red and blue lights in rear-view mirror while driving 80 mph in a 65 mph zone.

It's amazing!

2006-11-19T23:36:00.000-05:00

It is truely amazing the footprint you can leave behind on the internet - even after five years:

An MSDS
Another MSDS
A letter to the editor
From his ministry
A cut and paste reference
One of his patents
Somebody posted his family tree (I think it's one of the Jewish cousins - there's no mention of his minstry.)
A mention of his death in class notes
A strange reference

Blast from the past....

2006-11-09T21:56:00.000-05:00

Click to give the baby some music:

The Question Song

2006-11-06T23:27:00.000-05:00

I found this about a month ago and I still crack up everytime I watch it. Who knew Biff could be so cool.

Separated at birth

2006-11-06T11:40:00.000-05:00

I know, I know... when Spy would do this they would get pictures where the subjects were looking at the camera from a similar angle. But over the weekend, there were a couple of shots from Saddam's trial that made me think... "He's the spitting image of Manson on trial." So I thought I would share... but I don't have the time or skill to do it as professionally as Spy.

Well, I did it!

2006-11-03T00:18:00.000-05:00

I gathered up all the papers from my dad's estate - even the bloody death certificate and went to the bank. Everything had to be sent over to their legal department for verification. But I got the call today - I'm really Liz, his daughter. I really am the executrix. He really is dead. So, I can go back there on Saturday (just because that's the only time they're open when I'm not at work) and pick up the check. That's it. It's done. It's closed. It's over.

Just wow...

2006-11-02T23:44:00.000-05:00

The Mercy Seat
Nick Cave and The Bad Seeds

It began when they come took me from my home
And put me in Dead Row,
Of which I am nearly wholly innocent, you know.
And I'll say it again
I..am..not..afraid..to..die.

I began to warm and chill
To objects and their fields,
A ragged cup, a twisted mop
The face of Jesus in my soup
Those sinister dinner meals
The meal trolley's wicked wheels
A hooked bone rising from my food
All things either good or ungood.

And the mercy seat is waiting
And I think my head is burning
And in a way I'm yearning
To be done with all this measuring of truth.
An eye for an eye
A tooth for a tooth
And anyway I told the truth
And I'm not afraid to die.

Interpret signs and catalogue
A blackened tooth, a scarlet fog.
The walls are bad. Black. Bottom kind.
They are sick breath at my hind
They are sick breath at my hind
They are sick breath at my hind
They are sick breath gathering at my hind

I hear stories from the chamber
How Christ was born into a manger
And like some ragged stranger
Died upon the cross
And might I say it seems so fitting in its way
He was a carpenter by trade
Or at least that's what I'm told

Like my good hand I
tatooed E.V.I.L. across it's brother's fist
That filthy five! They did nothing to challenge or resist.

In Heaven His throne is made of gold
The ark of his Testament is stowed
A throne from which I'm told
All history does unfold.
Down here it's made of wood and wire
And my body is on fire
And God is never far away.

Into the mercy seat I climb
My head is shaved, my head is wired
And like a moth that tries
To enter the bright eye
I go shuffling out of life
Just to hide in death awhile
And anyway I never lied.

My kill-hand is called E.V.I.L.
Wears a wedding band that's G.O.O.D.
`Tis a long-suffering shackle
Collaring all that rebel blood.

And the mercy seat is waiting
And I think my head is burning
And in a way I'm yearning
To be done with all this measuring of truth.
An eye for an eye
And a tooth for a tooth
And anyway I told the truth
And I'm not afraid to die.

And the mercy seat is burning
And I think my head is glowing
And in a way I'm hoping
To be done with all this weighing up of truth.
An eye for an eye
And a tooth for a tooth
And I've got nothing left to lose
And I'm not afraid to die.

And the mercy seat is glowing
And I think my head is smoking
And in a way I'm hoping
To be done with all this looks of disbelief.
An eye for an eye
And a tooth for a tooth
And anyway there was no proof
Nor a motive why.

And the mercy seat is smoking
And I think my head is melting
And in a way I'm helping
To be done with all this twisted of the truth.
A lie for a lie
And a truth for a truth
And I've got nothing left to lose
And I'm not afraid to die.

And the mercy seat is melting
And I think my blood is boiling
And in a way I'm spoiling
All the fun with all this truth and consequence.
An eye for an eye
And a truth for a truth
And anyway I told the truth
And I'm not afraid to die.

And the mercy seat is waiting
And I think my head is burning
And in a way I'm yearning
To be done with all this measuring of proof.
A life for a life
And a truth for a truth
And anyway there was no proof
But I'm not afraid to tell a lie.

And the mercy seat is waiting
And I think my head is burning
And in a way I'm yearning
To be done with all this measuring of truth.
An eye for an eye
And a truth for a truth
And anyway I told the truth
But I'm afraid I told a lie.

The end of the world as we know it...

2006-10-29T20:42:00.000-05:00

Today it happened... Elizabeth called a girl friend on the phone and spent the next 15 - 20 minutes just chatting. I think we've entered into the next big phase in life. UGH... At least they have call waiting now.

Halloween and Popularity

2006-10-28T22:50:00.000-04:00

This evening was the PTA Halloween Party at Elizabeth's school. It was a pretty nice evening -- they had pizza, a candy hunt, a cake walk, a hula hoop contest, a costume contest, candy corn counting and pumpkin weight guessing game, and some other traditional Halloween party activities.

I've always hated these kinds of events. Even as a child I hated them. I just don't like being in large groups of people. When I was a kid, it was especially painful because I didn't have many friends and it really bothered me. I always wanted to be one of those girls in the popular circle -- the ones who upon seeing each other across the room would wave and yell a greeting, run towards each other with open arms, embrace, kiss (in a we're really great girlfriends and I haven't seen in you in all of five minutes kinda way), and immediately giggle while whispering some great secerts in each others ears, giggle some more and then as gaggle run off to do some kind of really cool, really popular activity. This seems to happens if it's just two girls (you know the first two to arrive) and when there is a whole group of them - with a group hug and lots of kisses as the last girl arrives. Once they were done hugging, kissing, and giggling (well done giggling for time being) they always seemed to be in the "in" spot. They were always at the epicenter of every event and everyone always wanted to be where they were.

Around these girls, there were always various rings - kinda like the rings of hell but backwards. The further you got from "the girls", the more hellish your life seemed to be. I was always in the chess club/ debate club ring -- you know well outside of the bank geeks ring. That is, if I made it into a ring at all.

Tonight I discovered that my lovely little girl is at the center and right smack at the "in spot" ground zero. This made me so happy. I know that popularity isn't really something we should make a life goal - at least not in the shallow way that I'm talking about. And I would never say anything to her about it. But I'm still glad that she's there in the center. It always seemed like life was a little easier for the girls in this group. Now don't get me wrong, I know they faced and will face their own set of trials and heartaches. But what's wrong with having the benefits and little edge that comes from being popular. Life is hard enough - what's wrong taking advantage of the few things that come along to make it a little easier. Besides, even if really terrible things happen, you'll still have your circle of friends to support you during the hard times.

So... here are some pics from my little prom queen in the making:

Get Your Own! View Slideshow

PS: I snuck in a pre-party photo of poor Mama Ghada - Elizabeth is making her wear a prom dress for her Halloween costume... Elizabeth doesn't know how lucky she is to have the long suffering Mama Ghada.

On Grief

2006-10-26T23:59:00.000-04:00

I am surrounded by grief. Some friends lost their son, another is waiting on news of a possible miscarriage, another just found out she has cervical cancer, and my grandma is still in the ICU on a vent. I can’t even begin to imagine how I would feel if I suddenly found myself in the shoes of the first three – and well, it’s true I’m really, really sad about my grandma, but the grief seems to be hitting others in my family more intensely. So, it seems odd and wrong that I am so filled with grief myself.

I have recently found myself adrift in grief. The kind where you are walking along, living your life, going about your day and suddenly waves of sadness wash over you and tears well up in your eyes. It’s been a long time since I was living with grief like this, so close to the surface on a daily basis.

So where did this come from? I know. Nov. 19th will be the fifth anniversary of my father’s death. It has been a slow and sad count down since 9/11. It’s like 9/11 was this big marker in time – a frozen photograph. As we observed that 5th anniversary, the grief started to slip out and return as I'm remembering the last weeks of his life. The bigger than life qualities of 9/11 became tied to all of the events in my life at the time… and the biggest event was this death march.

I feel kinda guilty and self-indulgent to be so affected by this when others are suffering such overwhelming and real and current grief. It just seems weak and tacky or something. But the loss of my father hit me really hard. There have been milestones in the recovery from the grief and this feels like a major set back.

In some ways, I’ve come a long way. Just before my father died, he hung a pair of pants on the back of my bathroom door. In the confusion and chaos of his last days, the pair of pants just hung there. Then as we were planning the funeral, it felt too sad – too final – too hard to remove the pants from the bathroom door. I kept saying to myself, “When the pain eases up I’ll take them down. I’ll put them away when I strong enough.” We lived in that house for more two years after that and I never could take the pants off the hook. They just hung there. My ex thought I was a little odd and he often teased me about the pants – which invariably triggered tears and he would laugh and say he didn’t mean it. I don’t know what the woman who cleaned my house thought of these pants, but after awhile I noticed that she started to dust them like all of the other furniture.

When we sold the house, I still couldn’t take them down. Everything in house was packed and the boxes were on the truck heading to the storage facility. The house was completely empty and cleaned in the way that only an empty house can be cleaned… but the pants still hung as we left the house. It was as if the act of taking them down was a final admission and acceptance he would never come back and get them. So I left them… waiting for his return.

I was - am the executrix of his estate. It was nearly impossible for me to settle his estate – such that it was. He didn’t have much so there wasn’t a lot involved. But I couldn’t do it. Each task required to move the process forward was like experiencing his death again… getting the death certificate, probating the will, settling the accounts. it was pure agony closing each account, each one was another affirmation that he was really gone. Actually, there is one account remaining. I really need to check on it and get the money. My brothers really need the money. But if I close the account the last “living” and tangible connection will be gone. It’s hard to believe how un-ready I am for that – even still.

It’s funny how the years had brought peace and the grief had faded to barely noticeable – at least when I wasn’t directly confronted with a reminder. But this milestone has it all rushing back as if it happened just a five months ago instead of five years.

Get a head start...

2006-10-26T12:35:00.000-04:00

Don't wait for the crowded malls to start your Christmas shopping this year. Elizabeth and I have already picked out a couple of gifts we're going to send from this catalog.

Questions

2006-10-26T00:54:00.000-04:00

1. What is worse: Going to your favorite restaurant, ordering your favorite steak only underneath the steak is a scabby band-aid. Or?
Losing one of my senses.

2. Do you like me?
If you have to ask...

3. What percent of all paper clips that you come in contact with do you unfold?
If you define "coming in contact with" as having it in your hand - then it's 100% of paper clips that are not actually clipped to paper (and even some of those.) If you define "come in contact with" as being able to see it in a container on my desk or in a box in my drawer - then it's a small percentage - maybe 5%

4. What are your five favorite movies? (Legally Blonde does not count)
It's a wonderful Life, Apollo 13, Working Girl, House of Flying Daggers, Blues Brothers

5. Have you ever left a pair of underwear in the forest?
yes

6. If zombies were real, would you be afraid of them?
Zombies are real! I saw a documentary in college. I'm not afraid of the zombies I'm afraid of the people who make zombies.

7. How many Cold Cut Combos could you eat in a day?
Depending on the portion size of each combo - a lot! Pastrami, corned beef, and Swiss; ham and cheese; roast beef, turkey, Cole slaw, and Swiss; chicken, brie, and honey mustard; do I need to go on?

8. How many times have you lost your keys in an article of clothing you are wearing?
Once in a while

9. Do you like almonds?
Yes.

10. Does God exist?
Yes

11. Is there something better than pie?
What kind of pie?

12. What were/are the economic, social, and political consequences of Marbury vs. Madison?
Do you really care?

13. Age?
It's not polite to ask a woman her age.

14. Sex?
Not tonight, I have a headache.

15. Location?
VA

16. In your opinion, is there always room for one more?
Yes.

17. What do you need more of?
Time, money, and mental health

18. How do you feel when you are stuck in traffic and a motorcycle drives by between the lanes?
I want to ask them if they know how dangerous that is, what their mom would say if she saw what they were doing, and how their friends and family would feel if they ended up like the biker who was decapitated on my front lawn. (really)

19. Do you want a Cadillac Escalade?
Does it have the North Star engine? Oh wait, I don't care, Cadillac isn't cool anymore.

20. What are your feelings regarding 25cent hot dog night?
Over priced. I hate Hot Dogs.

21. How often do you take public transportation?
As little as possible.

22. When you were 16 did you find Monty Python hilarious? Do you find them hilarious now?
YES! and YES!

23. Which is scarier: 1) As you are being put under anesthesia for a big, hairy operation, you find out that Mo, Larry, and Curly are assisting -or- 2) You are locked in a room and are forced to watch an endless loop of the same episode of Gilligan's Island?
My friend asked if she could take a nap during Gilligan's Island - I didn't think of that before, so I'm going to have to pick the Gilligan's Island loop

24. What is the biggest risk you are facing at this very moment?
falling asleep when I shouldn't.

25. Can you ever have too much money?
Do I get to pick the denomination? If I can, then no, you can never have too much money.

26. Black and Blue or Black and Tan?
black and blue - yummy

27. Have you ever kissed a boy on the lips?
Yes, of course.

28. Have you ever kissed a girl on the lips?
Yes and what's wrong with that?

29. If they made a movie of your life, what would the title of the movie be?
As the Stomach Turns - oh wait, that's taken. I don't know.

30. How many camels fit on the head of a pin?
How big is the pin?

31. Who do you like better ... Ben or Jerry?
Did one of them keep the ice cream? That's the one I like.

32. How many chapters will your book have?
Too many and not enough

33. What is your favorite color?
It changes with my mood, but mostly lavender

34. What is the air speed velocity of an unladen swallow?
Do I care?

35. How long do you have to drive continually before you start going insane?
OK, am I the actual driver or a passenger in the car? As the driver, I can do the highway hypnosis thing and drive for a long, long time. But if I'm the passenger - about 30 minutes.

36. Boxers or Briefs?
N/A

37. What is the most important meal of the day?
all of the ones I actually get to partake in

38. Are you a Toys (backwards)R Us Kid?
I was, until I was forced to go there in my role as parent.

39. snow skiing: a great sport, or the greatest sport?
I really like protecting the structural integrity of my body Â so neither.

40. can you lick your elbow?
No

41. did you just try to lick your elbow or did you already know that it is
physically impossible to do that?
I knew

42. Will you be in my punk band?
I have been in a punk band already, so sure I'll do yours, too.

43. Even if my punk band is named POLE-DANCING HEMATOMA?
why not, it's a punk band for goodness sakes

44. Is Crisco OK?
Crisco is great - can't make them pies without it.

45. How many times per minute must you remind yourself, "I am not my job"?
But I am my job - all gazillon of them.

46. Is M. Night Shmalayan lame?
I must be lame because I don't know who that is.

47. Were you hugged enough?
no.

48. Are you hugged enough?
You can never be hugged enough Â especially when there is a child living in the house with you

49. ARE YOU EVER GOING TO BE HUGGED ENOUGH?
See previous answer.

50. Why don't you own a gas mask? Seriously.
Ummm... didn't know I needed one. This isn't Isreal. I don't even know where to buy one. Besides I'd rather own an iPod.

51. The Unitatis Redintegratio document of the Catholic Church's Second Vatican Council is desperately important because...
I'm not catholic and the pope is the antichrist so I don't know and I don't care.

52. Eminem or not?
What? Why?.

53. If you're a white person, and you don't listen to much hip-hop, and yet you like the Beastie Boys, what the hell is wrong with you? Don't you realize that the Beastie Boys ARE ELVIS?
This question is totally confusing. I have the feeling the person who wrote this question listens to too much hip-hop and doesn't do enough homework.

54. Are you trying to perfect as your Father in heaven is perfect? If not, whatever else could you possibly be doing with your life that is so important it could keep you from trying to be perfect as your Father is perfect?
This is between me and my God. Now go get the plank out of your eye.

55. How many minutes "ahead" or "behind" is your watch set for?
You have to set the watch? Maybe that's why I'm always late?

56. Where have you been?
Not enough places.

57. Name?
Mostly Liz, but some days it's Mud.

58. How far away from your home town do you live and how far away would you like to live?
Well, how do you define "home town"? Do you mean 1) The place I was born (Durham, NC), 2) The place where I spent the majority - but not all of my childhood years (Florham Park, NJ), 3) The place where I spent the majority of the last 20 years (Jersey City, NJ), or 4) They place I am currently trying to make my home (Falls Church, VA)?

59. In your opinion, is expensive champagne really better than cheap champagne?
I've never had really expensive champagne (that IÂm aware of) but Cold Duck is pretty darned tasty.

60. How sad would you be if you ran over a cat?
I did once. It was my cat and I loved him very much. I was devastated for a long, long time. It was awful... ever hear the expression "like a chicken without a head?" Well that happens to cats, too.

61. If you were a parasite, would you rather spend your gestational stage in the innards of a cow or the innards of a caterpillar?
I really don't like the idea of spending any time in innards. I'm not Jonah.

62. How high does your volume knob go?
Well, that depends on which amp you're talking about. The amp on my home theater goes up to 100. But I have an amp for my stereo that has two gain knobs - one for the right channel and one for the left channel. They're not numbered, so would that be infinity * 2?

63. Totally rad, totally rockin, or totally sick?
Oh, dude... it's Tubular, dude.

64. What do you know about the Hood of death from Psalm 23?
I think I need to go back to Sunday School

65. Have you ever followed an exercise regimen to strengthen your core? (include responses to all five W's in your answer)
Spiritual core - yes many times -- even did the 40 Days of Purpos
Emotional core - sorta, I wouldn't really call it a regimen
Physical core - no but I don't think I have a physical core since muscles and junk are evenly distributed through out my system.

66. If the only kinds of candy left on the planet were m and ms (original), reeses pieces, and skittles, which variety would be most likely to survive the ensuing struggle for survival?
M&Ms Programmers live on them for a reason.

67. Top three power ballads?
1. Paradise By The Dashboard Light - Meatloaf
2. Bohemian Rhapsody - Queen
3. Stairway to Heaven - Led Zeppelin

68. Explain the statement "God is good." Support your position.
sunsets, kittens, love, chocolate, God is good QED

69. You must be world champion at something. What is it?
Answering stupid questions.

70. What is the first pop, rock, or rap song you choreographed dance moves to? What was your signature move?
It was either "Come on Get Happy" or "I Think I Love You", I'm not sure. While it was not used in the choreography for the two aforementioned songs, my signature move during this musical period was the Swim. Later works relied heavily on the Bump.

71. If you're in a relationship, and you and your significant other could redistribute your combined existing weight between the two of you (the girl could give 10 pounds to the guy, or vice versa, of any amount), what do you mutually decide to do?
Ah, well, I'm not in a relationship right now does that mean you don't want me to answer this question?

72. House, or Gray's Anatomy?
House!

73. Antz, or A Bug's Life?
I have managed to avoid both of these - I've never seen either one.

74. Paris Hilton, or Nicole Richie?
Too slap her to her senses? Both.

75. Toward, or towards?
Not sure.

76. Loving and losing, or never loving at all?
Loving and keeping

77. Coffee, or tea?
Tea

78. Or me?
I said I have a headache.

79. Why the hell do people ever waste money on weddings?
If you own a business and invite your clients, it's a tax write-off. Otherwise, it's often just a pissing contest. Also, if you don't invite someone to the reception, they are not obligated to give you a gift - look at it as an investment.

Obsessed Mom

2006-10-21T23:23:00.000-04:00

I bet your sorry I figured out how to make videos on my PC...

Not again...

2006-10-20T23:56:00.000-04:00

Well, I don't know for sure, and God knows I hope I'm wrong; but I think I will be going to another funeral in a short time.

My grandmother spent the last year battling cancer. She was just recently given the official word that she's in remission. It's amazing when the doctor actually says that word. She got to hear it.

Shortly after she was given a clean bill of health, she any my mom headed off on an extended vacation to see family. They had four (great) grandchildren they had never met. So, they drove off to Milwaukee and then headed back to New Jersey for a while. I'm told they had a grand time. Between the two locations they have seven (great) grandchildren to play with and spoil and just soak up.

Last Wednesday I was a work. It wasn't a special day in any way. I knew my mom and grandma had only been home for a few days. I was planning on calling them later that night to hear about their trip. But it was lunch time and like most days, I was taking a conference call, trying to eat a bite of lunch, and trying keep my in-box from overflowing all at the same time. My noon conference call ended a bit early, so I actually had a few minutes to visit the ladies room before my one o'clock conference call. Actually, it was a special day!

Silly me, I left my cell phone on my desk while I was in the ladies room. When I returned I had several messages waiting for me. I listened to the messages. Most of them were boring work related drivel. But there was one that was very odd. A woman identifying herself as a nurse left a message that she wanted to talk to me about my grandmother's health.

I was a bit perplexed. As far as I knew, grandma was doing fine. I didn't recognize the name of this nurse and she didn't leave a call back number. I thought maybe it was a random wrong number, but if it was important I figured the nurse would call me back.

About ten minutes into my one o'clock conference call my cell phone rang. I looked at the number displayed on the screen and I didn't recognize it. I did recognize that the area code was the same as my grandmother's. Now I was a very nervous, bordering on scared. I put my conference call on mute so they couldn't hear me and I answered the call on my cell.

It was the nurse.

It was my grandma.

Long story short - my grandma was in the ER with pneumonia. The nurse said she had underlying lung disease and some other health issues. She didn't think my grandma was going to make it. For those of you that care about this stuff, her blood oxygen level was 75. Even still, the nurse said she was comfortable.

The nurse said that my mom had asked her to call me. She said that my mom wanted me to decide if my grandma should be a DNR. The nurse was pretty sure they were going to need to put grandma on a vent. She said if she was a DNR, they would not put her on the vent.

My conference call was still jabbering on in the background. I took them off mute long enough to tell them I was stepping out of the call for a few minutes. With my cell phone stuck to my ear I ran into the office of friend and asked her if she could pick up my call. Not realizing the impact of my words, I turned back to the nurse on the phone and said, "So what will her quality of life be like on the vent." as I walked out of my friend's office. (About five minutes after that my office filled up with folks coming to check on me because my friend had singled that I might be in trouble.)

So now you have about as much information as I did at that moment. The nurse was pressuring me to make a decision and it was clear the nurse thought DNR was the way to go. She kept saying, "Once you put her on the vent, she'll never come off." I tired to get more information, to get a better grasp of the situation, to account for her seeming bias.

Finally, I don't know what prompted me, but I asked her... I asked, "Is my grandma conscious?" She was silent for a minute and then said, "Yes." I was stunned! How could she have the audacity to ask me to make that kind of a decision for someone who could speak for themself! What was she thinking! I told her I wasn't going to make that decision until I talked to my grandma.

Later that day, I finally got through to the attending oncologist. He had a much different opinion than the nurse. He said they had put her on bypass with 100% oxygen and her blood oxygen levels were up to 92 - 93. That's still a bit below normal, but much more compatible with life than 75. He said it was much to soon to be talking about vents and DNRs. He said we should let her rest with her improved oxygen levels and see if the antibiotics take hold.

In the mean time, I talked to my mom and my grandma. She was able to make her wishes known... She didn't want to be a vegetable just being kept alive by machines, so, if that was a very likely outcome, she didn't want heroic measures. But if there was a reasonable hope she would recover, she wanted them to do everything they could. I guess you could call that a modified DNR.

It's been a little over a week. She's been on bypass with 100% oxygen. She doesn't seem to be recovering, but she's not really getting worse, I think. I'm not sure.

My mom called me. She said they are worried about how long she has been on 100% oxygen. The doctors want to move my grandma to the ICU and put her on a vent. The doctor couldn't (or wouldn't) make a guess as to the reasonable outcome. He said that putting her on the vent could allow her body to really rest and she could recuperate. My mom said, "Well, she doesn't want to linger. But if you think there is a good chance she'll get better... let's do it."

I think (I hope) my mom made the right decision. It's the same decision I would have made based on the information she shared with me. But I've also heard horror stories about elderly folks being taken off respirators. I've heard, if they're not going to recover and when they're taken off the vent - there's a good chance they will linger for several days just waiting to die.

So as I type, my grandma is in the ICU and she is breathing with a vent. I usually try to be a glass-half-full kinda person. But I'm having a really hard time staying positive about this. I know to many people in "the business." My job keeps me on the fringes of the medical profession. I don't have the kind of experience that a doctor or a nurse or even a med-tech would have. But I think I know more about this stuff than "Joe Blow" on the street. Just because I work with the computers that go into medical devices and blood stuff and assays and junk like that and of course the people who use the stuff I make.

In this case, I really think a little knowledge is a bad thing. I've heard too many stories with an outcome I'd rather avoid. I know enough to be scared, but not enough to comfort myself. I don't have a good grasp of the real odds or the real meaning of what's happening. I know just enough to know this is really, really bad and I can't see the up-side.

My mom, on the other hand, is very positive and optimistic. She is convinced that this is just a little set back and her mother will be back home with her in just a few more days.

I wish I could find the happy, but realistic, spot between me and my mom. I want to believe that knowing my grandmother's wishes, the doctors wouldn't put her on the vent if they didn't think there was a reasonable chance of her recovery. But what if they did this because they don't think her wishes were spelled out clearly enough. I know my mom can sound really wishy-washy when she's afraid. I'm pretty sure that the doctor heard an extremely mixed message. So, I couldn't blame him/her if they put her on the vent because they weren't confident that my mom understood the situation.

So, I'm really afraid. I'm afraid that I'll be back in a funeral home in a matter of days or weeks. I'm really not ready for this. There has been much to much death in my life. I know that death is a part of life, but why does there have to be so much of it? I know that life has overcome death and we will be together again for eternity. But why does it have to hurt so much now?

Please say a prayer for my grandma tonight.

Better late than never...

2006-10-20T23:44:00.000-04:00

Pure genius and absurd humor all rolled into one

2006-09-26T23:52:00.000-04:00

David Hasselhoff's music video for the song "Hooked on a Feeling." Be sure you're not taking a drink when you watch this... if laugh so hard that soda comes out your nose and ruins your keyboard, you can't say I didn't warn you!

Variations on a Theme

2006-09-24T23:13:00.000-04:00

I guess I shouldn't be surprised...

Here is what the original sounds like. I picked this version because; well... just watch the video.

Forgive the sound quality on this one. It's mic'ed badly, but I was just blown away by the whole concept.

Like I said... Variations on a Theme.

Nothing like selling out... it's pretty funny.

And now for the most creative:

2006-09-23T00:28:00.000-04:00

What Your Soul Really Looks Like

You are a warm hearted and open minded person. It's easy for you to forgive and forget.

You are a very grounded, responsible, and realistic person. People may not want to hear the truth from you, but they're going to get it.

You believe that people see you for how you are, not how you look. But deep down, you know that's not exactly true.

Your near future is still unknown, and a little scary. You'll get through wild times - and you'll textually enjoy it.

For you, love is all about caring and comfort. You couldn't fall in love with someone you didn't trust.

Inside the Room of Your Soul